I am excited that the new Gregg Araki movie looks like his older shit.
'mysterious skin' is clearly his BEST film (and a masterful adaptation of the very powerful Scott Heim novel of the same name), and 'smiley face' is probably my all time favorite pot-oriented movie (although my stoner friends are kind of luke-warm about it, i thought it was extremely funny), but my FAVORITE Gregg Araki films are definitely 'The Doom Generation' and 'Nowhere.' 'Totally Fucked Up' is also very good, and it is a solid precursor to DG and Nowhere, and the first in the 'Teenaged Apocalypse Trilogy.' not really into 'the Living End,' and 'Splendor' was ok, but i didn't like to see him compromising or even bothering to make concessions to the mainstream, but it still had it's moments. they can't all be winners.
so yeah. Gregg Araki is fucking rad. 'KABOOM' looks awesome.
so i'm in chandler taking care of my grandpa, and he's declining pretty fast. i'm not sure i'd call it end of life, but things aren't going well. it's just decline after decline, and we're introducing an additional dementia drug, and a new painkiller and a new pain management treatment, but the fact is, mental state is sliding (although the hostile phase is over, and he's much more docile and receptive to the level of care that he needs) dude is not walking well, he's falling, and everybody can hope for the best all they want, but that shit does not get better at 85.
as previously mentioned, my mother the borg queen visited in mid december. it's almost a month since she left and i am still so fucking furious with her that i hesitate to discuss it. i'm just going to say two things about her is all.
1.)she is literally the most repulsive 'human being' i have ever encountered in my entire life, and by a significant margin.
2.)throughout my entire adult life (which i consider to be 15 years old on) i always though that my mother just happened to have a great deal of the traits that i find most undesireable in people (including my own faults). what i realized during her visit was that she is the reason that i find certain traits and behaviors so repellant. she is essentially the template for everything in this world that i abhor. it seems like semantics, but it feels like one of the more profound revelations i've had in my life. it also seems kind of insanely obvious and i feel a little dumb that i didn't realize this before.
i broke up with germone two days before christmas but it was clear that he wanted me to break up with him, so i would call it mutual, he was probably just being generous. it wasn't a hostile thing, we were both just worn the fuck out. still care about him, wish him well blah blah blah.
found grandpa on the bathroom floor this morning soaked in pee, and immediately made the decision that i have to withdraw from college indefinitely to provide care. kind of traumatized by that, but i couldn't deal with it if i were down in tucson and shit got ugly and i'd have to drop all my classes anyway, and that would be more academically and financially and logistically disruptive mid-semester than it would be before the start of semester. when i told germone, almost the very first thing he was said was that since i wouldn't be coming down one week a month for school, then we needed to look at me getting my shit out of there sooner, so i'm going to go down and try to pack my shit in 2 days on a weekend, put it in storage, etc. germone's helping me, he's going to drive me back up to chandler in the u-haul (WAY MORE than he has to do, and i am DOING MY BEST to be grateful), but i will say that as always his timing is so bad that it seems sadistic even though i think/know that it's happenstance and not malevolence (but how can somebody's timing always be SO FUCKING BAD?! it starts to make you a little paranoid/cynical after a while). at least after my shit's in storage it will be OVER, i'll have closure, i won't be living in tucson which i have hated and it will be less energy that i'll have to misappropriate. more focus and strength where it is needed.
this last week i've been seeing this guy- i know it's soon, but i think it's healing and i don't WANT to do a grieving period, no offense to germone- it's not that germone isn't worth grieving over, it's just that i just fucking refuse to wallow right now, especially taking care of my grandpa. i really like him (new guy), i'm trying not to get too attached but it's been fun and he's sweet and i think he's sexy and after breaking up after a 2 year relationship fun and sweet is just what i need and it's been a good start if it is in fact a start. trying to just focus on enjoying the company, affection, newness without overthinking it into the ground. a little bit of happy never hurt anybody, right?
anyway, i know this post probably seems beyond grim, but to me it isn't. BIG FUCKING CHANGE is happening, and it hurts and all of my god laughter inducing man plans are getting mixed up and smushed up and rearranged like cosmic taffy and my grandpa is dying, and i'm watching my aunt who i love more than anybody in the whole world watch her last living parent, her last immediate family member who isn't my evil cunt mother, her dad who she adores decline and die, and i had to see my mom, and i spent another two years in a relationship that didn't work and school is a big question mark and all of this fucking hurts so bad and it feels like it's TOO MUCH or right at the edge of TOO MUCH but the crazy thing is that at the same time i feel so much hope and like the profound is at work here and and it's going to be horrible and gut wrenching but kind of beautiful too, and i get to be here for it and that's an honor and i'm crying right this second, but i feel SO STRONG at my core, stronger than i've felt in years and i'm like I CAN DO THIS and shit is going to work out, and my life is going to be better for it and i don't have to be afraid and this is GROWTH, and that beauty, peace and wonder are right around the corner. i feel love.
so boy george was openly, DIRECTLY tweeting rose mcgowan... "I remember how rude you were to me in New York, have you become nicer? Lol!"
and
"It was when she was dating Manson, she was vile actually!"
DELIGHTED, i tweet that Boy George is OFFICIALLY going on the list of people i don't want pissed at me because he will call you the fuck out and cut your face and he TWEETED ME BACK, like "no actually, i wouldn't, but i do have to have the last word, even if it's silence." (um, WERK?!?!!) and now HE'S following ME on twitter?! i was tickled pink- or should i say i was tickled RED, GOLD, and GREEN (RED, GOLD, and GREEN)?!
maybe it's a little bit country faggot of me to be so excited, but boy george is the BEST kind of kunty- smart, sort of sweet, sort of sour if you cross him, but definitely NOT to be trifled with (or he will CHAIN YOU TO HIS RADIATOR AND BEAT YOU DOWN LIKE THE TURNED OUT BITCH HE'S MADE OF YOU!!!).
i still say that his autobiography 'take it like a man' along with holly woodlawn's 'a low life in high heels' are the two best (most entertaining and cleverly written) autobios i've ever read.
UMMMM, THIS JUST IN?!! boy george is posting pics of his DICK CHAIRS?
