STILL LIFE WITH MONKEY AND CIGARETTE

Real Love

2011-12-29T12:07:00.000-08:00

2011-11-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

written and unsuccessfully published on 11/02/2011:so i've been trying to edit my post about robert, but for whatever reason, blogger isn't letting me save changes. i wrote it a few hours after i found out he was dead, and it was late and i was calling people to talk about it, but nobody was up so i wrote about it. i just wanted to say that i don't really want to die, i was on my third forty and deep in grief and that's what came out. i don't believe in god, but robert sure did, and i was/am angry that something like that should happen to him. anyway, i'm up in prescott now. his partner michael got in last night, and i'm surrounded by amazing friends and things are as good as they can be given the horrible circumstances.

My Friend Robert Gonzales is Dead

2011-11-01T02:36:00.001-07:00

Robert barely knew me when he made a concerted effort to pull me out of the wreckage of my life. i was doing daily labor and couch surfing with no personal belongings beyond a ratty post-post-second hand duffel full of lost and found clothing from the kicked out bin from a series of half way homes. he barely knew me, but he was like "i'm sick of you being in flux. fuck that. you're coming to stay at my place." and so it was. i moved in. he arranged me to take over his lease. he got me a job at the resort he worked at. he got me dress clothes, he took me to meetings, he was amazing, he was like pure love.

yesterday, while he was helping his sister angie move, he got in a car accident and now he's dead. i can't fucking believe it. if i had never met him, i know for a fact that i'd be dead. i am so broken hearted i can't even express the pain. he is one of the most amazing, selfless people i've ever known and to think that he's dead is such a slap in the face of fairness, reason, and cause and effect that i am in a profoud tailspin of faith and so on and so forth. his partner michael isn't even in the state. i'm zooming up to prescott tomorrow to um... you know. be there. i love robert so much, i want to die with him. i can't believe he's gone. i can't fucking believe it. no no no no no no no. no fucking nooooooooo. where is your god now, world. where is your fucking god?

Words Very Nearly Fail Me At Times

2011-10-12T10:26:00.001-07:00

MY SELF SUMMARY
I'm a University of Arizona graduate, I studied marketing and work in the field. I grew up in California before moving to Arizona as a teenager. I attended high school here and was involved in several sports. I'm pretty laid back, I like to chill out with friends and have a few drinks. Play sports. I like to travel and see new places. Enjoy some great sex.
I don't like drama. While I'm on the subject on things I don't like; fems and flamers, fatties and chubs, old men, unemployed and uneducated. PLEASE DON'T message me.
WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE
I've graduated from the U of A and now I'm working my dream job, I continue to grow in what I do and embrace my growth as human being.
My ultimate goal is to open my own ad agency and marketing firm and have a global clientele.

I’M REALLY GOOD AT
at sports, I lettered in Baseball, football and swimming. I'm also good at sex, I've told I'm amazing and I only attribute it to my nice friend below the waste...lol I'm pretty good at making my partner feel good too.

THE FIRST THINGS PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME
Guys tell me they notice that I'm fit and in shape. Girls say they notice my eyes then they tell both tell the truth and tell me the bulge in my pants...lol

FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, SHOWS, MUSIC AND FOOD
Don't care to read much these days.
I like action movies, the more fighting and explosives, the harder my erection,
I hate foreign films and think that subtitles are dumb. I don't want to spend time reading during a movie. Most of the time they are low budget anyways.
Music is pretty much open, I do like alternative and rock, but sometimes catch myself listening to pop.
I love food! A day at the beach and eating fresh seafood seaside is the best. Never can pass up a good surf and turf. I like Mexican and Italian food as well, just can't cook for the life of me.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT
Honestly, sex. I'm young and have a great libido. If YOU CAN INTEREST ME IN YOU, then I think you have a good catch. I can have great conversations, they just need to spark my interest.

ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM
Chillin with friends, usually on 4th Ave getting drunk, not at the gay clubs!

THE MOST PRIVATE THING I AM WILLING TO ADMIT
The most private thing I’m willing to admit I've slept with my ex-girlfriend's brother.

I’M LOOKING FOR
Guys who like guys
Ages 18-27
Near me
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners, casual sex

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF:
You're HOT, you like how I look, You like sex, you think you can handle me. I like to be outdoors and stay busy and fit, if you are a runner, swimmer, hiker, sports guy or cyclist we'd get along fine.
You shouldn't message me if you're; FAT, OLD, feminine, an IDIOT or looking for a "life partner" I'm 23 and NOT ready to settle down.

Did You Miss Me?

2011-08-22T18:35:00.001-07:00

Reboot coming very soon. It has been a hard fucking year, and i think i'm ready to talk about it (as well as random bullshit, as is my wont). So much to say.

Sinéad's Script

2011-04-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

self-servingly swiped from the smart and clever Kubla Kong.

300

2011-04-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

so since i got back from nebraska on march sixth i have been whirlwinding hardcore- on the seventh i SORT OF moved in with my new, probationary boyfriend.

he's half native american and half black, really handsome, super sweet and nice and easy to be around but he also owns a gun. i find him very sexy, which is not my strong suit. sex is a bit of a handicap for me, but we fit together like legos (is that an asexual thing to say?) and yeah. it's pretty weird- he manages a care home that specializes in alzheimer's and dementia, and he's been there for fourteen years. he started as a caregiver. he got me a job there, and i really like the residents, but there are a lot of cunts in the house i work in. they're all latinas and they're very cold and mean and clique-y but i don't mind so much most of the time, i'm so happy for the job and i do love the residents. joel doesn't manage that house, though, he manages the one next door. apparently, his employee given nickname over there is 'The Red Queen,' which he and i both delight in. he has a little long haired dachshund. my cat juju TERRIFIES him, and yet he won't stop antagonizing him. he literally ate rocks the other day, though, so there you go. the thing is retarded (although very sweet).

school is set up for me to go back this summer, starting in the end of may. they said my spring semester financial aid would roll over as long as i was enrolled half-time for the first summer session, which i am.

hmm... what else. oh, because god likes to make me eat my words, joel lives in tucson so i have moved back to tucson. when i lived here before i hated it, but joel says i just wasn't hanging out with the right people/going to the right places. both are true- i wasn't hanging out with anyone and i wasn't going anywhere except school and occasionally to the movies. i guess the last thing is that since august i've lost eighty pounds through exercise and diet. i'm not saggy like i was worried i would be- i guess that only happens if you were either super super huge or if you lose your weight via diet alone without sufficient exercise. i ride my bike about ten miles a day during the workweek, and i do free weights and ab stuff and planks. i am feeling somewhat attractive, have visible muscles and all that. don't want to jinx it, and i am not done (but i'm getting close!) but i am proud-ish of myself.

just wanted to say that i'm alive, i'm doing really well, i'm with a new guy who treats me well, i am working, school hasn't blown up in my face... oh, and david foster wallace came out with a new book. i mean, it's posthumous, but still. DAVID FUCKING FOSTER WALLACE. if you're a reader, get on that shit.

this has been my three hundredth blog post.

thank you for reading.

Blue

2011-03-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

Yellow circus left the stakes a broken ropes world's useless mug
The ties that bind, ha ha
I can be bad poet
Street poet
Shit poet
Kind poet too

Subway
Almost 4AM
Halloween night
Had enough to drink to make my own party
All my fellow writers in half costume, half asleep
Half silly, gone to seed

I don't mark my time with dates, holidays, faded wisdom, locked karma holders
Convenient

I am made by my times
I am a creation of now
Shaken with the cracks and crevices
I'm not giving up easy
I will not fold
I don't have much
But what I have is gold

I saw your face...

I sing in platinum
I dress in brass
I eat in zinc
Let it pass

Compare a toast
I like that
I understand courage
I still roll with the shout of a character I was married to today
I try to see outside myself
I understand the eyes
Excuse all the highs
Sorry
I am sorry
Ha ha

I like you, love you, every coast of you.
I've seen your eddies and tides and hurricanes and cyclones.
Low ebb tide and high, full moon.
Up close and distant.
I read you.
Look, the sky, the sea, the ocean, the sun, the moon.
Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue blue, blue, blue, blue, blue.
Naked and blue.

Breathing with you. Touch. Change. Shift. Allow air. Window open. Drift. Drift away. Into now.

I want Whitman proud. Patti Lee proud. My brothers proud. My sisters proud. I want me. I want it all. I want sensational. Irresistible.

This is my time and I am thrilled to be alive.

Living. Blessed. I understand.

Twentieth century:
Collapse Into Now

Cinderella boy
You've lost your shoe

Cinderella boy
Your coach awaits

A sun makes shadows
All over your face
As you sit
Naked and blue
Into me

grandpa/hiatus/haiku

2011-02-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

my grandpa died. already super-irregularly updated blog on indefinite hiatus. must go to nebraska on tuesday.

this entry sounds like
a haiku of detached pain
but i shall return

Foreshadowing/I Miss My Grandma

2011-02-11T11:39:00.000-08:00

Ms Cyd Adams
512q No 15th St.
Apt #509
Phoenix, Az. 85014

7-10-90

Dear Cyd*:-
Enclosing some pictures we took on the new 35mm camera i got dad for father's day. he shoots everything and i think we are getting some good ones. I took many shots of antique shop-- new car-- the house on avenue and wheat harvest and drilling soybeans in the wheat stubble. Have some more to take as the film is 36 exposures.
We took RV down to Indian Cave for couple of nights affter the pressure of harvest was over. it rained a ton but needed it so just went to bed and slept through it. brought the rig home this morning. Been driving back and forth.
Jesse** has chicken pox and not too happy with the confinement of it. Carries some fever but generally getting along pretty good. Seth*** hasn't started yet but he has boy scout camp starting tomorrow so hope he gets to go before the pox catch up with him. He will be so disappointed if he doesn't get to go. Leave Wed. afternoon and come back Sat morning. Go to the boy scout camp at Dubois. Should really have a wonderful time. Hope he makes it.
Now that harvest is over maybe we can finish up some of our other projects. Need to finish trim at the avenue

-2-

house. Also need to finish the house on O street. The west side and porch need paint and all screens need painted. Then the lady on "N" street moved and would be good time to do the trim down there as well as some carpenter work on basement stairs. Also some cement work. Too much to do! Then we got 1000 more paving bricks to be brought over here for driveway and other places. Wanted to get porches on this summer but too hot now so may e a fall project when we get back from Phoenix. Which reminds me to inquire as to whether you and doctor have come up with any date certain in Sept.**** We plan to come few days before you go into hospital and will stay as long as we can afterwards. Reason I would like to know is I was going to order State Fair tickets if I thought I'd use them but won't if I'm not. Doesn't bother me if I don't go but will go if I'm going to be here. Got any answers at this time?
We certainly are enjoying the car. It is such a pretty thing. Needs a bath and good vacuuming. The boys did real good as we kept them apart when we went anyplace. They were with us 3 weeks and was long for them too*****. They were glad for their mother to get home and

-3-

we haven't seen them since. Been a week or better but with temps at 107 - 108 (degrees farenheit) it was too hot to go anywhere you did need to. Jo was too hot and tired to come over after work and usually lays down before supper. Then Jesse got the chic pox so had to stay in. Jo goes to Columbus for 3 days in August for her job so they will be back then I guess.
We got a long letter from David******. He is in So. Carolina. Wants your address and phone number. I'll send to him if you don't mind but won'd if you don't want me too. Jo won't even respond to him and I know he is lonesome but has brought on so much himself.
Bev Clarke******* retire's at Glen's Drug Store and they had a coffee for her Monday morning. She is thrilled to death and I know she will enjoy it more as she goes along. She and Anna Belle Redfern******** are going on a trip to Alaska in August. Has had her tickets since March. It is 12 days I think. Some tour! Know they will enjoy. Will wind this up and get it in mail. Write us some time. Take care, and put pictures up, and we will get what you don't want to keep when we come.

Love,
Mom & Dad*********

KEY:
*Cyd is my aunt, the one that raised me from my mid-teens on.
**my younger brother, 2 years and three months younger than me.
***me
****Cyd was getting hysterectomy that year.
*****Jolene (or just 'Jo') my mother, was visiting my future stepfather in Pennsylvania that summer.
******David, my father.
*******?
********?
*********My Grandma wrote the letter, she just always signed stuff as being from both of them.

on the back of the envelope are some numbers:
3 26 27
36-39-42
35

See...

2011-02-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

THIS is exactly the reason that i can NEVER be famous. i mean, i can write, but i would have to use a pseudonym because there is a METRIC TON of crazy seth stuff out there in the world, and without a series of well-executed assassinations, i just don't see that going away.

Gregg Araki Returns to Form

2011-01-10T19:08:00.001-08:00

I am excited that the new Gregg Araki movie looks like his older shit.

'mysterious skin' is clearly his BEST film (and a masterful adaptation of the very powerful Scott Heim novel of the same name), and 'smiley face' is probably my all time favorite pot-oriented movie (although my stoner friends are kind of luke-warm about it, i thought it was extremely funny), but my FAVORITE Gregg Araki films are definitely 'The Doom Generation' and 'Nowhere.' 'Totally Fucked Up' is also very good, and it is a solid precursor to DG and Nowhere, and the first in the 'Teenaged Apocalypse Trilogy.' not really into 'the Living End,' and 'Splendor' was ok, but i didn't like to see him compromising or even bothering to make concessions to the mainstream, but it still had it's moments. they can't all be winners.

so yeah. Gregg Araki is fucking rad. 'KABOOM' looks awesome.

this is kind of breakdown-y but i'm ok

2011-01-08T21:25:00.000-08:00

so i'm in chandler taking care of my grandpa, and he's declining pretty fast. i'm not sure i'd call it end of life, but things aren't going well. it's just decline after decline, and we're introducing an additional dementia drug, and a new painkiller and a new pain management treatment, but the fact is, mental state is sliding (although the hostile phase is over, and he's much more docile and receptive to the level of care that he needs) dude is not walking well, he's falling, and everybody can hope for the best all they want, but that shit does not get better at 85.

as previously mentioned, my mother the borg queen visited in mid december. it's almost a month since she left and i am still so fucking furious with her that i hesitate to discuss it. i'm just going to say two things about her is all.

1.)she is literally the most repulsive 'human being' i have ever encountered in my entire life, and by a significant margin.

2.)throughout my entire adult life (which i consider to be 15 years old on) i always though that my mother just happened to have a great deal of the traits that i find most undesireable in people (including my own faults). what i realized during her visit was that she is the reason that i find certain traits and behaviors so repellant. she is essentially the template for everything in this world that i abhor. it seems like semantics, but it feels like one of the more profound revelations i've had in my life. it also seems kind of insanely obvious and i feel a little dumb that i didn't realize this before.

i broke up with germone two days before christmas but it was clear that he wanted me to break up with him, so i would call it mutual, he was probably just being generous. it wasn't a hostile thing, we were both just worn the fuck out. still care about him, wish him well blah blah blah.

found grandpa on the bathroom floor this morning soaked in pee, and immediately made the decision that i have to withdraw from college indefinitely to provide care. kind of traumatized by that, but i couldn't deal with it if i were down in tucson and shit got ugly and i'd have to drop all my classes anyway, and that would be more academically and financially and logistically disruptive mid-semester than it would be before the start of semester. when i told germone, almost the very first thing he was said was that since i wouldn't be coming down one week a month for school, then we needed to look at me getting my shit out of there sooner, so i'm going to go down and try to pack my shit in 2 days on a weekend, put it in storage, etc. germone's helping me, he's going to drive me back up to chandler in the u-haul (WAY MORE than he has to do, and i am DOING MY BEST to be grateful), but i will say that as always his timing is so bad that it seems sadistic even though i think/know that it's happenstance and not malevolence (but how can somebody's timing always be SO FUCKING BAD?! it starts to make you a little paranoid/cynical after a while). at least after my shit's in storage it will be OVER, i'll have closure, i won't be living in tucson which i have hated and it will be less energy that i'll have to misappropriate. more focus and strength where it is needed.

this last week i've been seeing this guy- i know it's soon, but i think it's healing and i don't WANT to do a grieving period, no offense to germone- it's not that germone isn't worth grieving over, it's just that i just fucking refuse to wallow right now, especially taking care of my grandpa. i really like him (new guy), i'm trying not to get too attached but it's been fun and he's sweet and i think he's sexy and after breaking up after a 2 year relationship fun and sweet is just what i need and it's been a good start if it is in fact a start. trying to just focus on enjoying the company, affection, newness without overthinking it into the ground. a little bit of happy never hurt anybody, right?

anyway, i know this post probably seems beyond grim, but to me it isn't. BIG FUCKING CHANGE is happening, and it hurts and all of my god laughter inducing man plans are getting mixed up and smushed up and rearranged like cosmic taffy and my grandpa is dying, and i'm watching my aunt who i love more than anybody in the whole world watch her last living parent, her last immediate family member who isn't my evil cunt mother, her dad who she adores decline and die, and i had to see my mom, and i spent another two years in a relationship that didn't work and school is a big question mark and all of this fucking hurts so bad and it feels like it's TOO MUCH or right at the edge of TOO MUCH but the crazy thing is that at the same time i feel so much hope and like the profound is at work here and and it's going to be horrible and gut wrenching but kind of beautiful too, and i get to be here for it and that's an honor and i'm crying right this second, but i feel SO STRONG at my core, stronger than i've felt in years and i'm like I CAN DO THIS and shit is going to work out, and my life is going to be better for it and i don't have to be afraid and this is GROWTH, and that beauty, peace and wonder are right around the corner. i feel love.

Boy George is FIERCE

2011-01-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

so boy george was openly, DIRECTLY tweeting rose mcgowan...
"I remember how rude you were to me in New York, have you become nicer? Lol!"

and

"It was when she was dating Manson, she was vile actually!"

DELIGHTED, i tweet that Boy George is OFFICIALLY going on the list of people i don't want pissed at me because he will call you the fuck out and cut your face and he TWEETED ME BACK, like "no actually, i wouldn't, but i do have to have the last word, even if it's silence." (um, WERK?!?!!) and now HE'S following ME on twitter?! i was tickled pink- or should i say i was tickled RED, GOLD, and GREEN (RED, GOLD, and GREEN)?!

maybe it's a little bit country faggot of me to be so excited, but boy george is the BEST kind of kunty- smart, sort of sweet, sort of sour if you cross him, but definitely NOT to be trifled with (or he will CHAIN YOU TO HIS RADIATOR AND BEAT YOU DOWN LIKE THE TURNED OUT BITCH HE'S MADE OF YOU!!!).

i still say that his autobiography 'take it like a man' along with holly woodlawn's 'a low life in high heels' are the two best (most entertaining and cleverly written) autobios i've ever read.

UMMMM, THIS JUST IN?!!

boy george is posting pics of his DICK CHAIRS?

"I have four! Love them!"

oh. my. god. best twitter account EVER.

i love me some dinosaur jr

2010-12-24T23:13:00.000-08:00

classic spike jonze directed video for the classic Dinosaur Jr track 'feel the pain.' so much to love about the song, the band, spike jonze...

Invisible Light

2010-12-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

stylistic/aesthetic perfection + the all-time best scissor sisters song by a country mile. the rare marriage of perfect video and perfect song. it reminded me of the Richard Burton film of 'Equus' + Lucio Fulci's 1970's/1980's italian horror films. also, there is a unicorn. the only thing this video needs are some monkeys.

Resistance Is Futile, But Perfectly Understandable

2010-12-07T19:11:00.000-08:00

My mother the Borg Queen is coming to visit my Grandpa, who is staying at my aunt's house. i am also staying there, so i can take care of him during my aunt's work week. This will mark the second time that i have seen her since 1996, the first being at my grandma's funeral four or five years ago(to which my mother wore a GOLD LAMÉ dress with a metric ton of BIG jewelry/makeup to and convinced the pastor to tell stories about my grandma that prominently featured HER, like some sort of 'bereaved daughter' version of the merry widow- tacky mail order czarina edition). Needless to say, there is a very good reason that i'm an imbalanced faggot. this should be superfun.

Craig Ferguson Rules

2010-12-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

Craig Ferguson's Doctor Who Cold Open.

Sometimes Amazon is Uncomfortably Astute

2010-11-16T18:00:00.001-08:00

so i was looking for the new marc jacobs cologne and after i looked on amazon i guess it must have sounded not only the FAGGOT ALARM, but the RAGE-FILLED-ANGST-RIDDEN-SUICIDAL-COMPOUND-HYPHENATE-FAGGOT ALARM because it suggested the following:

1.) 'Velvet RAGE: overcoming the anger of growing up gay in a straight man's world,' an elaborately titled self-help book for gay men (obviously).

2.) 'A Single Man,' the excellent (but utterly steeped in misery) film by Tom Ford.

3.) 'The Rise and Fall of Gay Culture,' by Daniel Harris- a moderately well-known indictment of gay identity, then and now, circa 1999, featuring some valid points that are undermined by their misguided arguments.

4.) A bunch of other super fancy colognes.

i couldn't help but feel like amazon believed itself to be peering into my brain, and had decided that what i was thinking was that i hate everybody, myself included, and the only comfort i seem to be able to give myself is smelling good to the tune of twenty something bucks per fluid ounce.

WRONG, amazon! comfort only costs about eighty cents an ounce, unless you go to the bars.

seriously, though. i think it's interesting that you buy a higher end cologne and you're marketed to as tasteful, sophisticated and miserable (read gay male). i can see their point, but yikes.

Let's Talk About Arizona Politics!

2010-11-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

(above: Governor HELLBITCH rubs her glasses against her Melanoma-TAN-RIFFIC muzzle)

i wrote something i liked today, and i did it in the comments section of one of my favorite Arizona bookstore's website. You can go to the blog entry i responded to HERE

i won't try to reiterate the post that moved me to froth at the mouth, but i would like to repost my response, because it was pretty fucking good if i say so myself. at least i think so!

Posted by Seth
November 3rd, 2010

i can't bring myself to feel anything other than abject horror and disgust about brewer getting elected. we might as well start literally eating the weak, the poor and the brown. it's hard to be all sunshine lollypops and rainbows when you're talking about arizona politics. this is the state that elected a man- evan mecham- who openly hated gays and blacks, CANCELLED martin luther king day (which voters backed up until threatened with the UNTHINKABLE possibility of losing the superbowl, god forbid), though him and fife symington both ended up getting impeached for illegal financial stuff and fraud, respectively, and now we've got Jan Brewer- Community College Radiology Technician (and amateur collector of imaginary mexican heads- did somebody say death and dismemberment?) RUN AMOK. stay classy, governors of arizona! this is the state that continues to elect joe arpaio even after 20 years of epic, well-documented scandal that has been condemned by GLOBAL human rights organizations, to say nothing of the myriad national and state groups (including the federal government in various forms) that continue to struggle (but SOMEHOW fail) to prosecute and oust him. cumulatively, it's all too much and it's all happened in too small a period of time. arizona should hang its head in shame. profanity and name calling seem like flirtation compared to what's ACTUALLY warranted at this point, the least of which would be for some physical representation of the most rudimentary, bare bones human decency to be burnt in effigy on the front lawn of Jan Brewer's new Barbie Dream Governor's Mansion. my own mother sent me an email forward that actually contained the phrase (in all caps) 'GOD HELP US WHO TOLERATE THE MUSLIM!!!' and you know what i DIDN'T do? i DIDN'T let it slide, and shake my head and say 'oh, i guess we'll have to agree to disagree! that MOM, she's so old fashioned!' i wrote her back and told her that she was engaging in hate speech, and was speaking the language of nothing less than ethnic cleansing, if not the sweet nothings leading up to the unending joys of genocide. after explaining to her that my assessment of her email was a condemnation of her sentiment and not HER, i also invited her to explain to me how she came to arrive at her point of view, as she is an upper middle class white woman who has only ever lived in small town nebraska and a nice little cul-de-sac in Self Satisfied WASP, pennsylvania... she never replied, because there is NO JUSTIFYING IT. anyone selling that crap would BALK at the possibility of being held accountable for their bile, and that INCLUDES THE GOVERNOR ('no more debates since GOD HIMSELF struck me dumb last time!').

seriously, sitting around in a fair trade organic cotton sundress and sending out good vibes with a bumper sticker on your car encouraging your fellow travellers to be the change that they want to see is NOT CUTTING IT. confrontation is not only warranted, it is necessary. i would have to agree that facebook is probably not the venue if you're going to do it intelligently, though. i'd totally go with twitter. don't forget the #hashtags!

...............................................................

so yeah, that was what i wrote. check out the post i responded to for context.

Short, Sweet, True

2010-11-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

Sarah Silverman cuts the bullshit in under 30 seconds.

All the World Loves a Lover

2010-10-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

it should come as no surprise to anybody that this is the same guy that directed the wacky, newly Criterion Collectioned 'HOUSE' (trailer at bottom of post).

Sleep With Barbara Billingsley, Tom Bosley

2010-10-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's like somebody put a damn dirty gypsy DEATH CURSE on the network stars of yesteryear. All of the headlines are mentioning Happy Days, which i personally could NEVER stand. I remember when i was little and lived in nebraska and we had an old tv with no remote and no cable, we watched what was on in syndication. Happy Days was always fucking on. it sucked ass, and me and my little brother fucking hated it. Ron Howard would, of course, go on to make maddeningly middle-of-the-road movies of a similar nature.

Tom Bosley would go on to the glorious FATHER DOWLING MYSTERIES, which i, for some reason, could not get enough of. what a shitty show to fixate on- but like i said, we only had a couple of channels. The only reasons i can think of for liking it so much was my bizarre desire to be Catholic instead of Lutheran (in retrospect, i'm glad that didn't work out, no offense to Catholics) and the fact that Father Dowling had an EVIL TWIN named BLAINE?! so i guess it combined two of my childhood fixations: Catholics, and evil twins.

anyway, yeah. It seems like the Battle of the Network Stars has taken a DEADLY TURN! You best watch your ass, Jean Stapleton!

Sleep With the Angels, Barbara Billingsley

2010-10-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

She was fierce in Airplane!. Word.

this is awesome.

2010-10-14T04:21:00.000-07:00

nobody EVER comments on anything i write about courtney love or hole, but even if you DON'T like her, this animated short is pretty wonderful and smart and funny. it's only six minutes, you'll enjoy yourself i think. press play.

Riberace!

2010-10-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

So the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas is closing on October 17th, and since i won't be able to go, i forced Rob to go on my behalf. He complied, as indicated by the image above. More pictures to follow!

I'm SAD that the Liberace Museum is closing it's doors... it seems like one of those places that SHOULD exist, whether you enjoy Mr. Showmanship or not. And COME ON, this is like GAY GROUND ZERO (along with Stonewall). We're talking about the QUEEN OF ALL QUEENS! It just seems wrong.

there IS a silver, gem bedazzled lining, though- They're taking the show on the road! I've been telling myself that this might be better in a way, because this way ALL the gays of the US will have a fighting chance to see all this shit, rather than just the tacky ones who actually go to vegas (*coughROBcough*).

Corey Feldman Lacks Self-Awareness

2010-10-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

BUT i will say that he was in Stand By Me, AND Gremlins AND The Lost Boys AND Goonies, so he's golden until the day he dies. Also, at least it's obvious he writes his own songs, which is more than you can say for a lot of A-list stars that get writing credits (talking to you, Beyoncé).

Julianne Moore Cries Over Everything

2010-09-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

Everything in the literal, not-at-all-hyperbolic sense. BEHOLD: over three minutes of Julianne Moore crying.

Naked Lunch

2010-09-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

This is one of those rare examples where the movie just breakdances in circles around the book. i'm sure a lot of people would disagree with me if they heard me say that, or saw me write it, but suck it. and take that berét off, you look ridiculous.

*Naked Lunch as a book is challenging to the point of absurdity. It's sort of like Burroughs' heroin addled spin on Finnegan's Wake-style convolution. i am personally convinced that ninety-nine out of every one-hundred people who claim to have read and enjoyed it either never read it at all or are lying. maybe one in a hundred people that says they read it even sort of understands it, let alone ADORES it the way people claim to. my best friend rob would put it on the pretentious book rack at the book store where he works. Still, i don't think it's ever been out of print- people LOVE to own books that are controversial, drug related and (to most) unreadable. See: bookshelves of people who were fifteen or so in 1996 that own suspiciously pristine copies of Irvine Welsh's 'Trainspotting.'

the MOVIE, however, is one of my top three favorites ever, i think. It's playing tomorrow night at the Loft Cinema in Tucson. i'm GOING. Me and my first boyfriend were very big into it, it was kind of bizarro romantic. the first thing he ever gave me was a little plastic toy mugwump. he'd make his own postcards that he'd send me and on them would be these little sketches of Naked Lunch creatures in between his insanely small taiwanese handwriting. ANYways, yeah. Such a great preview, too. and the colors and everything he uses are just amazing. i would LOVE to see Cronenberg go back to this kind of project. he's such a master. he needs to work with judy davis again, too!

*i LOVE Burroughs, but i don't like abstraction upon abstraction upon abstraction. maybe i'm just not smart enough or something, i don't know. if you have to have a debilitating drug problem to understand something, MAYBE IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE AS MUCH SENSE AS YOU THINK IT DOES.

"I'll Tear Out Your Endocrine System... If You Don't Drink VITAMIN WATER!"

2010-08-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

I so want my own Gary Busey that i can train to behave erratically for my own personal amusement.

Exit the Zsa Zsa

2010-08-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

Goodnight you fierce ass cop slapping bitch, you.

Baby Speaks in Tongues w/Subtitles

2010-08-02T01:33:00.001-07:00

Some fundamentalist Carnival decided to let an eighteen month old burble and growl into a microphone for two minutes, and rather than be like "oh, it's cute, he makes sounds," they decided to interpret it as the baby speaking in a secret God language, ie SPEAKING IN TONGUES. Anyway, some GENIUS put subtitles on what the baby says, and it is DISTURBING how much the subtitles match up with the babysounds. Don't watch this at work, because you'll get fired for laughing and watching the interwebs.

Life During Wartime

2010-07-30T03:32:00.000-07:00

I love Todd Solondz, and this looks amazing, if much lighter than his previous films. I love Ally Sheedy. I love the whole cast, actually. Cannot wait.

The Perfect Man: "Of course I have... for fuck's sake" Edition

2010-07-29T18:57:00.000-07:00

Tom Hardy is the Even More Perfect Man.

from WWTDD.COM:

Tom Hardy is one of the best actors alive, and he finally started getting the credit he deserves last year (Best Actor) for ‘Bronson’. Now ‘Inception’ is making him even more famous. He’ll be the lead in the new Mad Max movies and there’s even a rumor he’ll replace Daniel Craig as James Bond because MGM is $3.7 billion in debt, might have had to cancel Craigs contract, and now will have to start all over.

Back in 2005, before deciding on Craig, Hugh Jackman was one of the final choices to play Bond but lost out because producers thought he seemed a little gay. That could be a bad sign for Tom Hardy.

When asked if he had ever had sex with men, Tom replied:
“Of course I have. I’m an actor for f*ck’s sake. I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I’m in my thirties, it doesn’t do it for me. I’m done experimenting but there’s plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine. A lot of people say I seem masculine, but I don’t feel it. I feel intrinsically feminine. I’d love to be one of the boys but I always felt a bit on the outside. Maybe my masculine qualities come from overcompensating because I’m not one of the boys.”

There's just something about a faggot (effeminate, tom of finland butch, or anywhere in between) that WILL beat you the fuck up if you start shit that does it for me. It's not about masculine, it's about not taking shit. It's about saying "ok, fine. it's a straight world, you get to pick the rules, but what you don't realize is that you've underestimated what i'm capable of because you think i can only be X, Y and Z because i intentionally come into contact with cock during a relatively small percentage of my lifespan. Enjoy the ICU."

I believe in being able to fight. I've been in a lot of fights myself, and i'm happy to report that i do very well. It's so fucking frustrating to me when gay guys condemn ANY kind of violence regardless of the circumstance and instead opt to sell each other this PC ideal bullshit about the 'right way' to change things. That's an intellectual solution to a physical problem. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that homosexuals in the country are constantly told that gay equals getting the shit beaten out of you over and over and over, and have been told this for GENERATIONS. This gets absorbed into the way we percieve ourselves, and it becomes unofficial offical gay policy to be terrified of fighting no matter what. We assign that fear a lofty, ivory tower logic that we can all not be ashamed of, and when we get curbstomped to death or left on the ground internally bleeding, the rest of us very loudly ABHOR THE VIOLENCE of it all, and YES the violence is horrific and tragic, but how about NOT selling the idea that violence is NEVER THE ANSWER to a population that gets violently targeted? how about NOT selling and/or buying into the idea that if you like dick, you're nothing but a lisping bullseye mincing around trying to run away from fights that you have a good chance of winning? That Pacifistic-no-matter-what SHIT gets HEARD, not JUST by the 12 year old gay tweens who are already scared enough as it is, but by the people that would beat him bloody. It convinces the young that they're going to be VICTIMS, and have no chance of WINNING if shit were to ever go down, and at the same time, it both reinforces (and alerts bashers to) the idea that faggots don't fight back.

ANYWAY, Tom Hardy isn't saying he's gay, and he played a hardass in a movie and that doesn't necessarily translate into real life, BUT i think that there must be a lot of gay guys like myself in this world, who are fucking DYING to see just ONE faggot in the mainstream media playing these roles where he's a badass motherfucker. If Hugh Jackman had come out, that would be a good example since he plays Wolverine. Tom Hardy playing Charlie Bronson and then acting like it ain't no thing to be the effeminate man in a gay relationship is close enough for me, though- actually, it's EVEN BETTER, because Wolverine is kind of camp, and is not only a fictional character, but a COMIC BOOK character, while Charlie Bronson is REAL, and he is notoriously brutal.

Keep in mind, Hardy is only BEGINNING to come into the consciousness of Americans for his relatively small role in Inception, so this is dangerous shit for him to be doing, professionally- or so all the closet cases would have you believe. It will be interesting to see how his career does (or does not) in the near future. He's already proven he can play straight roles, so if he basically disappears that would indicate that the idea that American homophobia is so pronounced that it translates to bad box office is a legitimate fear, and that you really CAN'T get leading man work if you talk about your recreational love affair with the cock. If he totally kills it, and becomes the first mainstream action star to make these kind of concessions regarding his sexual nature, then that's a big fucking deal, and could really change things. Can't wait to find out, but either way, thanks for the honesty, Tom Hardy. I hope that your candor and nonchalance in the matter proves to be the gamechanger that we've been waiting for, and that you are rewarded for your big fucking balls, but either way: You are a badass motherfucker.

Macheté Red Band Trailer

2010-07-28T21:16:00.001-07:00

Robert Rodriguez is the perfect man. He makes movies like the El Mariachi trilogy, Sin City, Planet Terror, and Macheté, he can cook (he hosts "10 minute cooking school" sessions on his special edition dvd releases, and he signs off with one of the greatest cooking quotes ever: "This is Robert Rodriguez, telling you to learn how to cook, because not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck."), he's a badass rebel (He quit the Director's Guild of America and produces his own films, which is sort of unheard of and was at the time considered professionally self-destructive) and he's TALL and pretty fucking sexy in my opinion. I admit, i did cringe when he forced the word "loco" into his RBT intro, but i think that doing a scene where Danny Tréjo rapells out a window using somebody's intestines cancels out the awkward with room to spare.

Show Me Your Genitals

2010-07-24T02:44:00.000-07:00

thought this was pretty funny. Jon Lajoie plays Taco on 'The League.' He's funny as fuck, and he's hilarious on the league. the show's about a fantasy football league, and that sounds like a shit premise for a comedy show, but it's incredibly funny. it's on FX. the first season was only 6 episodes, but it got picked up for a second season and it comes back on september 16th. i can't wait. His character on the show is sort of a um... sexual creature. at one point he thinks that he's lost his mojo because he fails to have sex for ten days or something and he travels to exotic, magical Chinatown to obtain Three Penis Wine to restore his virility.

oh my god, it's so funny. i die.

I Have Turned Inward

2010-07-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

i don't think i'm going to be blogging very much for a while. i don't have anything pressing before school starts or anything, i just don't have anything blog post sized to say.

i tweet a little bit, though, if you feel like checking up.

go HERE to do that.

i should hopefully recover from my summertime shut-in weirdness after school starts in late august.

'David Fincher's Facebook Movie' or 'How to Squander Good Will and Talent'

2010-07-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

Behold, the preview for 'The Social Network.' This SHIT could not possibly be less interesting. How the fuck do you go from making movies like Se7en, The Game, Fight Club, Zodiac, and EVEN the Curious Case of Benjamin Button to a movie about FACEBOOK?!? Somebody needs to take David Fincher aside and forcefeed him crystal meth and peyote until he gets an original idea. I mean, Benjamin Button was bad enough, but A FACEBOOK MOVIE? are you fucking JOKING?

From Blood and Chocolate

2010-07-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

On the list of people i wouldn't want to be mad at me is Elvis Costello. 'I Hope You're Happy Now' is the kind of scathing that would hurt in a brand new way every time you heard it, were you the subject. It's so funny and insightful... it must suck to hear a song like that and know that all your failures as a person are knowingly on display in the prototypically perfect post-modern pop song (the alliteration was happenstance, i swear), that somebody so completely has your number. This kind of eloquent characterization is NOT EASY to do in three minutes. I suggest looking up the lyrics.

My New Hero Is Keith Wagner: High School Journalist

2010-06-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

From the Phoenix New Times:

By Stephen Lemons, Monday, Jun. 14 2010 @ 8:22AM

Huppenthal spanked hard by a student journalist. Is this sweet or what?

No one's ever accused Republican state Senator John Huppenthal of being the brightest bulb in the state GOP's closet. You might think Huppenthal's lowest moment came when he scuffled with a 78 year-old Democratic activist on election day 2008 over a yard sign. He was ultimately found not guilty of sign tampering and theft, but he ended up looking like a sneaky, aggro dolt nonetheless.

In fact, the hapless Huppenthal actually stated in court that he was afraid the senior citizen lady was going to carjack him.

But local student journalist Keith Wagner of Tempe's Corona del Sol High School has done Huppenthal's septuagenarian combatant one better by interviewing Huppenthal and politely, quietly skewering him, confronting the smarmy state Senator with his vote to gut funding to the state's Career and Technical Education programs. This, after Huppenthal bemoans such cuts.

The long form of Wagner's report, which gives more context to the interview:

The result is freaking hilarious, with Huppenthal so flummoxed that he has to get up and walk away. Keep in mind, Huppenthal is currently campaigning for the GOP nod for Arizona schools superintendent.

Ironically, that position has a rich tradition of being held by class-A boobs such as Tom Horne, so it should surprise no one if Huppenthal eventually wins the gig.

Huppenthal's also a toady of state Senator Russell Pearce, and has spat bogus stats in the past regarding the state's undocumented population. When challenged, he was unable to supply the source of his false factoid. Classic.

Wagner's video is getting heavy play locally by liberals on Facebook and other sites, and deservedly so. If more journalists were to follow Wagner's lead, maybe there'd be fewer clowns like Huppenthal in office.

Okay, that's wishful thinking. This is Arizona after all, the Land Time Forgot for a Reason. But still, it's worth a shot...

...................................................

I used to live about 2 blocks down the street from that school. Fucking FIERCE.

I think they should make this Keith Wagner kid AZ Schools Superintendent. They should make Huppenthal give up his Senate seat to him, too. that would be rad. This kid just wrote his own fucking ticket in a field that is hemorrhaging jobs.

EAT HIT MATE VOMIT

2010-06-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

in that order, if at all possible.

isn't EAT HIT MATE VOMIT the name of that new Julia Roberts movie coming out this summer?

The Golden Girls in "Clueless"

2010-06-07T07:37:00.001-07:00

Sans Bea Arthur, who was kind of a wet blanket when you think about it- she quit Golden Girls, and then she wouldn't take part in this skit, either. You're not supposed to quit the hit, Bea! Remember that for your next incarnation, yeah?

Happy Eleventh ROBSETHVERSARY!

2010-06-06T04:29:00.000-07:00

Above: Rob at the Ratt/Edgar Winter Group/Starship/38 Special Fairground Spectacular on 05/23/2010, at which we got matching sunburns.

I was supposed to do this on june 4th, not june 6th, but i didn't forget, i just didn't do the blog post.

I met my best friend rob 11 years and two days ago, and we've been pals ever since. Have things gotten stale? Have we grown apart?

NO! You want proof? i can give you some anecdotal proof right now.

The other day, june 3rd, when Rue McLanahan died, some of you may recall that i talked about Betty White being a Highlander. I also tweeted about it. That afternoon at about 2:30, i get a text message from Rob. Talking about how Betty White is a Highlander, and that there can be only one. Later that night i called to say hey, and i asked him if he'd read my blog or tweets about Rue and Betty, and that i'd written about the very same thing, almost word for word. I was sure he must have, but sure enough, NOPE! he came up with the thought by his own self.

Pretty fucking cool.

The Secret of Kells

2010-06-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

I am totally going to go see this today after i apply for the janitor job at the loft.

Thank You For Being A WHORE

2010-06-03T09:36:00.001-07:00

Above: a young(er) Rue McLanahan after presumably helping Dustin Hoffman practice for the cougar rape scenes in 'The Graduate.'

Rue McLanahan has passed away at the age of 76 after suffering another massive stroke. She will be remembered fondly for her role as Blanche Devereaux, the Whoriest of the Golden Girls. History will forever remember her as the horrible woman who sexualized an entire generation of geriatrics. Thanks for that, Rue.

*shudder*

This of course means that earlier this year when Betty White told Rue "Dear Rue, I hope you hurry up and die so I can be the last Golden Girl left. NOT KIDDING," it wasn't a cute little get well card so much as a DEATH CURSE, which worked it's charms, leaving Betty White THE SOLE GOLDEN GIRL LEFT STANDING.

Golden Girls are not unlike Highlanders, in that there can be only one.

Digital Orca

2010-06-02T21:06:00.001-07:00

Author Douglas Coupland (Generation X, Shampoo Planet, Microserfs, All Families Are Psychotic, The Gum Thief) designed this piece for the Vancouver Convention Center. I thought it was pretty cool.

From the plaque at the site:

The 'Digital Orca' sculpture breaks down a three-dimensional Orca whale (they are really dolphins not whales, but I digress...) into cubic pixels - making a familiar symbol of the West Coast become something unexpected and new. This use of natural imagery modified by technology bridges the past to the future. It speaks to the people and activities that created Vancouver's thriving harbour culture, while addressing the massive changes reshaping the BC economy. The sculpture's metal construction and lighting components evoke the daily moods of the harbour and the diversity of those who work there.

Douglas Coupland 2010

Let's All Go to the Movies

2010-05-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

That boxer dood is pretty damn hot, AND he has enthusiastic sex with the haggard, so that's a plus in my book. The world needs more insanely attractive givers.

and now the coup de grace:

(Edgar Wright directed films) Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are two of the funniest movies of all time, especially Hot Fuzz. This looks fucking RAD. I'm pretty surprised that Universal is putting so much money and hype into it- But they're treating it like a summertime flagship release! I actually think it should do extremely well. it looks really good, stylized in a clever way, smart and funny, especially for something so clearly adolescent.

The tagline for Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World is "An Epic of Epic Epicness." how fucking great is that? Very excited about this one, for realsies.

Back In the Day

2010-05-31T03:08:00.000-07:00

i don't know why but the last couple weeks i've been thinking about my old military school friends. it's pretty rare for me to try to look for people who aren't in my life anymore, but i've been doing it anyway. Novelli and Huda (you should be able to tell which is which by their names) were like my brothers for a couple of years, and yet at this point we haven't spoken for over a decade now, but i guess that's not that insane- i haven't talked to my actual brother more than a handful of times since 1996, not to be maudlin or anything... it's just a fact.

Novelli looks sad to me, which is kind of strange because he was always such a goof.

Huda looks happy enough, though.

it really is all in the eyes, huh? That doesn't ALWAYS work, though, because some people know how to smile with their eyes even if they aren't feeling it, but if they're NOT smiling with their eyes, then that's that. Huda's eyes smile*, and Novelli's smile is all mouth.

*in all fairness, Huda IS standing next to an open bar.

Tyra's 'Tyra' Is Finally Off the Air

2010-05-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

She seems like such an amazing human being.

B.O.B covers MGMT's 'Kids'

2010-05-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

and it is good to the last fucking drop. B.O.B makes me excited the same way Outkast did ten years ago, except with much less focus and unique creative vision... B.O.B's album is sort of a collection of singles with a bunch of guest stars, but you have to appreciate his stylistic range. it's good the way that N.A.S.A's album was good.

October 1st, 2010

2010-05-27T21:24:00.001-07:00

WANT.

Cults

2010-05-26T14:44:00.001-07:00

<a href="http://cults.bandcamp.com/album/cults-7">Go Outside by Cults</a>

go HERE to check out the band site. You can download their three track 7" for FREE, either from the player right above this text, or at the site.

Heart Grow Fonder

2010-05-12T17:22:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow's my last final, and then i'm off to house sit for my aunt in Chandler. Her computer is almost ten years old, and can barely turn on, so it's unlikely that i'll be blogging for the next ten or eleven days. When i get back to Tucson, i'll be packing up to move house by June 1st, so i'm not sure how much i'll be blogging when i get back, either... you might not hear from me until next month. Not that you would have noticed if i hadn't mentioned it, lol.

If for some reason you MISS ME, feel free to lurk my somehow MORE insipid twitter presence. i can do that from my phone.

Craig Ferguson's Leather Boy Raffle

2010-05-08T05:18:00.001-07:00

Ten Days of Betty: 4, 3, 2 and 1 Days Left

2010-05-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

Here's a mishmash of Betty White stuff, old and new. i love BW, but holy fucking christ, i am kind of tired of writing about her.

Still, don't forget to watch SNL's Mother's Day episode tonight with Betty White (and musical guest Jay-Z... I hope he does 99 Problems. that's my ringtone, lol), Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and others... it's going to be an extravaganza!

and now back to our regularly scheduled programming here on SLWMAC.

Laos Is Fierce

2010-05-07T05:25:00.000-07:00

Behold: Laotian Snake Whiskey. Yes, that's a cobra with a scorpion tail clenched betwixt it's jaws.

Twitter really has given me good stuff at a pretty fast clip.

Taken from the twitter account of skeleton robot sidekick building snake whiskey drinking Grant Imahara. He's cute as hell anyway, but you factor in the robot skeleton building and the snake whiskey drinking, and you have a recipe for stealing my heart.

I Was Wrong

2010-05-05T06:51:00.001-07:00

Twitter is Awesome. I mean, it's really stupid too, but it's got this duality that saves it.

Behold: Douglas Coupland linked to this article about a dude who travels the world fixing crumbling landmarks and architectural wonders with LEGO. that's fucking cool, i don't care who you are.

also, i'm still finding my twittervoice, but feel free to follow me HERE.

Yes, Really.

2010-05-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

i have unicorn key holder thingies where the lock picking part of the key sticks out of the unicorn's head instead of a horn. same vein, different hole.

Ten Days of Betty: 5 Days Left

2010-05-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

These are a few of my favorite things: Craig Ferguson + Betty White = Yay!

Betty White has always been pretty popular, but the ZEITGEIST she has been riding the last two or three years i think probably has a significant something to do with Craig Ferguson having her on his show every month or two like clockwork. Craig's smart- he regularly pays homage to Late Night Tv's rich history. BW was, as we've seen already on the Ten Days of Betty, a Tonight Show with Johnny Carson staple, and as previously mentioned on SLWMAC, Craig recently did a tribute episode in honor of Tom Snyder when he spent an entire episode interviewing British actor Stephen Fry. Anyway, this is funny shit. A good formula works forever.

Ten Days of Betty: 6 Days Left

2010-05-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

Betty Vs. Ryan on the set of the proposal.

"When Betty White asks you to get coffee, you get her a fucking cup of coffee."

words to live by, ladies and gentlemen.

Dreams Can Come True/You Know You Got To Have 'Em...

2010-05-03T18:52:00.001-07:00

'Iron Man 2' Buzz Heats Up Over Rumors Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Punched In Face

This is about a million times better than buying the world a Coke.

Stolen from Jason.

ps, i TRIED to get a picture of Gwyneth either bleeding from the face or at LEAST crying, but her on crutches was the best i could do :(

Ten Days of Betty: 7 Days Left

2010-05-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

Today's first "catch up" Betty White offering (1 of 3) is the godawful Lake Placid, pared down to a much more tolerable length of about 6 or 7 minutes- featuring only the parts with Betty White in them. This is a fun one to watch, because BW's telling cops to suck her cock and making proclamations about how she wants them to be eaten alive. yay!

Know Your Role, Snarf

2010-05-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

click to enlarge! Go visit I-Mockery.com HERE.
Click HERE to go straight to the complete thundercat comic thing i got this from.
:)

Ten Days of Betty...

2010-05-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

Um, i'm behind on them, obviously. Prepare for a triple dose tomorrow!

Ten Days of Betty: 8 Days Left

2010-04-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today on Day 3 of the 10 Days of Betty here on SLWMAC, i present to you Betty White's complete Oral History, as told by BW herself to her (classic archetype of an) agent of 30+ years. It is VERY long, about two and a half hours or so, but it is also very rich in detail and i think it gives the viewer a great deal of insight into Hollywood, as well as to the woman herself. Stretching from her childhood all the way into her later career, with time spent discussing virtually everyone she has ever worked with. it's really something. there's one of these oral histories with Bea Arthur, too. i'll probably post that sometime in the future. it's been about a year since she passed, so maybe i'll do that soon.

The first of the last four clips is Betty discussing famous skits she did with Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show. The clips following that are the skits in question.

Nice Sense of Self, Xtina

2010-04-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

So the new christina aguilera video came out today, and it's called "Not Myself Tonight," which turns out to be PAINFULLY appropriate upon first viewing/listen. i wouldn't normally bother to comment on CA, not that there's anything wrong with her, but to me she hasn't been even vaguely interesting except during the HILARIOUSLY named 'Drrrrrrty' or whatever it was called, and the songs on that album were ALL OVER THE MAP, so that was confusing (not that a singer has to be one thing, but this bordered on schizophrenic). She's never really had a coherent identity, basically. This is just INSANELY obvious here- she's doing a direct lift of Madonna, Lady Gaga, Gwen Stefani, etc. It's sort of a stylist's version of I'M EVERY WOMAN. i don't think i have ANY thoughts on the song... while i was listening to it, i THINK i found it to be unoffensive as that style goes, but now that it's been ten or fifteen minutes, i don't remember?

What does that SAY about an artist, though? when your first single is just openly taking shit from other people with no pretense whatsoever of originality? i don't get it, she's got a voice. anyways, i have a horrible headache and i'm not sure where i'm going with this. watch it and let's see if we can't figure it all out together :)

**(UPDATE)**

oh, i guess she's doing a movie with Cher called "Burlesque." I can't help it, i love CHER-BOT 5000. Anyway, i'll be curious to see how that all works out.

I Heart Emma Caulfield

2010-04-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

here she is in the new Sci-Fi (ish) Romantic Comedy, 'Timer.' Also, she has apparently co-created a comic book called Contropussy?!! AAAAND, she's goiing to be at the Phoenix Comic-con from i think May 28th-the 30th! SOOOO GOING, even though i have to move house by the 1st of June. Christ, May is going to be beyond brutal and unforgiving.

**UPDATE** OH WOW, i just went to the website (it's a free webcomic) and it is AWFUL, as in FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY BAD AWFUL. it's about hypersexual cats? i'm not sure. it's just thumbs down all around... i want to be supportive, but sometimes even those we adore make it difficult (Shut up, people who know me). Go HERE to behold the unmitigated HORROR starting at the very first installment.

**UPDATE 2** ok, so i pushed myself through the first arc, and it's not the UTTER ABOMINATION the first few strips make you think it is, but it's still not great. the pussy means both cat and vagina entendrés alone make me want to dig out my own eyes with a claw hammer, but it's not the worst case scenario... not quite. see for yourself.

Twit

2010-04-30T04:06:00.000-07:00

i got a twitter account. My handle's sort of stupid, but youreviltwin was taken, as was SLWMAC and so on and so forth. i didn't know what to put, so i put this phrase i wrote into a song that was an anacronym for my full name (SAA), but out of the context of the song it doesn't sound as cool... but now my email's associated with it and i'm stuck, i guess. I found a couple of my blogger buddies' twitter accounts, but i'd love to follow those of you that aren't diametrically opposed to the idea- at least those of you who i actually interact (or attempt to) with. lemme know. rock and roll, whatever, deal with it.

Lula Tops Major White American Magazine's (TIME) Most Influential List

2010-04-30T02:04:00.000-07:00

From The Latin Americanist:

Luis Inácio Lula de Silva - let's just go with Lula - is on top of Time Magazine's list of the World's 100 Most Influential People.

The internet tells me the list is ranked by order of most influential, but I'm not 100% sure Time is so explicit about it. If they are, J.T. Wang, head of Taiwanese computer manufacturer Acer Group, ahead of President Obama? Absolutely no way. Lula is the most popular leader in the world, but any credible influence list should begin with B-Rock.

***************************

ok, it's me seth again. Isn't it funny that even on a blog written for Latinos by Latinos, Lula- a Latin American- is STILL being second guessed as a valid choice? I guess the only thing not horrific about that is the fact that he's being second guessed for a black world leader (obama) instead of THE WHITE DEVIL.

go HERE to read the Michael Moore penned profile in it's entirety.

The Number You Have Dialed

2010-04-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

I probably should have posted this on monday when i first realized, in the event that someone who reads my blog has attempted to call or text me but has been met with voicemail or the appearance of text message apathy (not the case, i assure you!) but i left my phone charger in phoenix this last weekend, and my phone won't even turn on it's so out of juice, so that's what's up. i haven't gone back to drugs or finally gotten shot during an ill-fated backroom card game... all is pretty much well.

charger was supposed to arrive today, but you know how the mail is. damn mail. that's probably why i've been blogging so much, is i feel lonely from no phone. anyway, maybe tomorrow, if you need to get ahold of me. also, feel free to email. if you want me to call you when i get my charger, just text me or leave a voicemail and i will return all messages as soon as i am able.

*Literally TWO MINUTES LATER...*

**UPDATE**

scratch that- charger has arrived and is in my hot little hands! watch, there will be NO texts or messages of any kind, lol. ahhh, the folly of arrogance...

:-)

**UPDATE 2**

i had 6 text messages AND a voicemail, thank you very much! SUCK IT, humility!

Ten Days Of Betty: 9 Days Left

2010-04-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

Here we have the complete Dean Martin Roast of Betty White. Pretty rad, if you're into the era and enjoy the old school comedic sensibility. Plus, ABE VIGODA*!

i'm thinking of getting an Abe Vigoda tattoo across my chest, like a new spin on the classic battleship. Skip to Part 5 of 5 just to watch betty respond to her contemporaries. good stuff!

*i was entering in all my tags for this post, and i entered in A and then B, and as it turns out, this is not the first time i've blogged about Abe. i thought that was kind of funny. you get what you pay for here at still life with monkey and cigarette! ALL ABE VIGODA, ALL THE TIME!

For Those Of You Out There Who Are Directing Plays

2010-04-28T01:37:00.001-07:00

Here's a little somethin' somethin' to um... well, not ENCOURAGE, per se, but... uh... hmmm.

Ten Days Of Betty: 10 Days Left

2010-04-28T00:36:00.000-07:00

In Honor of Betty White hosting SNL on May 8th for the Mother's Day episode, i'm gonna post a Betty White something or other every day until that magical day arrives.

This is day one (10 days remaining), and i've got her on the George Lopez Talk show, Lopez tonight. Here, she talks about her SAG lifetime achievement award, how she wants to bone robert redford, Sandra Bullock and Jesse James (pre-scandal) and the enduring global popularity of the Golden Girls.

The Bleeding Edge Will Give You PTSD

2010-04-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

as seen above.

Television Love Letter

2010-04-27T00:45:00.000-07:00

Last Night I Went To A Potluck and i was so spent from the weekend that i had like, NEGATIVE personality and was a COMPLETE DIALTONE for the most part, AND i broke a cardinal rule of white person etiquette. I was kind of intimidated by the crowd a little bit. People kept on making jokes about the travails of being a grad student and talking about (what i think were) different types of major academic papers or rubrick systems or something and pretty much EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING except for me, my friend travis and the slightly creepy bohemian guy from next door who was actually kind of funny because he congratulated travis and i on NOT going to UofA, which i thought was kind of aware and clever. everybody was super nice, i don't mean to say they were snobby or unapproachable, because they weren't, it was just some ADVANCED COLLEGIATE-ESE being spoken and i'm a pretty smart well read guy, i think, but they may as well have been speaking ewok or something

The big reveal that i didn't know about going in was that the pretext for the party was defrauding a Pro-Zionist "charity" that i guess pays jews who have made their pilgimmage to have dinner and talk Zionist values or something and the more people you take to dinner, the more of a budget you are given... with our very cool hosts redirecting the money they get from the group (18 bucks a head) to a "Real" charity. So they got everybody together for a group photo, which they send in, and then they get paid. Tucker, the host, made the very funny comment that he couldn't think of a worse idea for a charity than paying people who could afford to go out to dinner to go out to dinner or something to that effect, which i thought was just ROFLMFAO exactly right. I myself have some very strong anti-Zionist feelings (not to be confused with anti-jewish sentiment AT ALL) and against the Israeli government's US backed military (500+ billion a year), so i was glad to help.

The Lulz turned to HORROR when i broached the subject of television. i asked Tucker's boyfriend Forrest if he'd seen some show or something, and he said that HE DIDN'T LIKE TV. i kind of lost it a little bit and i just kept saying "WHO DOESN'T LIKE TV?!" like he'd said that he douses hobos with kerosene while they sleep and then sets them ablaze or something. Even TRAVIS turned on me, and was like "i don't really like tv, either. I watch a couple of shows that i like," and yeah. I started to argue with him that the fact that he WILL NOT DO ANYTHING on the night LOST is on because he is so deeply devoted to the show kind of undermines his claims of general ambivalence, but i stopped because i wanted to berate him in a playful manner, but i could see forrest and this pretty black girl who was fixated on miniatures were looking at me like "oh no! he's getting mad at his friend!" and i didn't want to be misread any further as i'd already given myself away as a cretin what with my love of the idiot box. seriously, though- i don't know what to say to that, other than just a mask of horrified disbelief. Finally, after more confrontational questions directed at Forrest, who thought i was joking or something, i turned to travis and was just like "Come on Travis. Let's go outside." I was still stuck on the subject, though, and once i sat down around the firepit (with actual fire!) i was like "WHO DOESN'T LIKE TV?!" and pretty much EVERYBODY THERE was like "I DON'T HAVE A TV!" it was BAD. i can't remember the last time i was this oblivious to who my audience was (audience meaning 'the people around you,' i don't actually think that when i am invited to a party that the people there are MY AUDIENCE, because that's GROSS unless you're a drag queen or something an it happens to be automatically true no matter where you go or something, but i am NOT THAT CAPTIVATING, this i know, lol). that's one of my life rules- "KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE." so that's a big red mark in the PERSONAL FAIL column, i guess. frowny face :(

Later, Tucker would say that he didn't own a tv, but he immeidiately said "but we talked about loving 30 rock," and so i grant him immunity, and he does not need to be voted off of the island.

seriously, though, i do not understand how anybody can say that they don't like tv? there are SO MANY amazing shows, i personally believe that TV is in it's TRUE golden age, and has been for over 10 years now. Also, i find that TV allows for a much more satisfying experience for me, a viewer. there is a much more comprehensive exploration of themes and characters and so forth, and thus the investment on my part is greater. This is to say nothing of the opportunites for MASSIVE, multi-season plot arcs, that when done properly, is nothing short of rapturous.* I love movies, too, don't get me wrong, but i don't understand why movies are a medium that is accepted as art, but TV isn't? that's some bullshit.

i'm going to go out on a limb here, and just go on the record: if for some reason i was forced to choose between never being allowed to see a movie again or never being allowed to watch TV again, i would WITHOUT HESITATION choose TV, despite my VERY strong love of film. it's so easy to say "oh, there's so much trash on tv! all those reality shows are so bad!" and I AGREE WITH YOU- nobody wants to see the Kardashian's pushed into a vat of acid more than me, i ASSURE YOU, but you know what? go to your local multi-plex and take a look at what's playing there. i think that the ratio for complete shit is about the same.

**OFFICIAL EFFORT AT CLARITY**
Tucker and Forrest are just super nice guys and i really like them.

*examples that quickly spring to mind: season 5 finale of buffy (originally prepared and conceived as the series finale), season 6 finale of buffy (just what they did with willow, and how it referred to all this stuff that you barely noticed for the entire series and had it culminate in a brutal deconstruction of one of TV's alltime most beloved characters is EPIC), the end of (i think?) season 5 of The Shield when they killed Lem, The Wire in general, but ESPECIALLY season 4, the season that focuses on school, the series finale of Six Feet Under (which actually isn't my favorite show in the world, though good, i find it to be VERY OVERRATED, but the series finale pulls it the fuck together in one of the finest sequences i have ever seen on film, be it movies or TV... and the list goes ON, but you catch my drift. TV IS AWESOME, LOVING TV DOES NOT MAKE YOU STUPID (necessarily, lol), TV HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER THAN IT IS NOW, TV CAN BE ART IN A WAY THAT FILM NEVER CAN.

*UPDATE: Damages, Breaking Bad, Skins (british series), Sons of Anarchy, seasons 3 and 4 of Supernatural (which isn't even consistently good), John from Cincinnati, Deadwood, 30 Rock (seriously, i know it's mainstream, but netflix it from the begninning, it's hilarious), etc etc etc...

I'm Not Bi-Polar (I Don't Think), BUT

2010-04-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

i seem to be having a bout of mania? admittedly, i did have a big superstrong thing of coffee at about 7pm last night, but JESUS CHRIST, this ALWAYS HAPPENS the night before i have to travel. maybe i just get excited, i don't know. plus the coffee. that was dumb.

I Got Too Much Soul For You/I Don't Like It But It's True

2010-04-23T04:48:00.001-07:00

BEHOLD: "Too Fake" performed live at a SPIN magazine rooftop session by the Portland based band, Hockey.

i like this song. wierd i never heard of them. i'm usually sort of on this shit. they sound like the strokes should have sounded after 'is this it?' but instead they shit the bed with 'room on fire,' and then by the time that 'first impressions of earth' came out, it was too late- the world had sort of lost interest. maybe they were doomed to backlash regardless, though. sort of like diablo cody after 'juno.' everybody fucking loved that movie, loved her, then all of a sudden the world simultaneously decided she was over, that her dialogue was too cute, and that 'juno' was for emo faggots. seriously, though, i can't think of a recent movie i enjoyed more than "jennifer's body." it's one of the only movies that i've watched several times in a short period of time in SEVERAL years. Directed by the asian lesbian lady who directed the Michelle Rodriguez boxing movie, "Girlfight," and the (in my opinion) ill-conceived Aeon Flux which my friend rob liked "Jennifer's Body" is a lot like heathers, but without Christian Slater, and literal demonic man-eating. it has so much super fun dialogue, even if it is super stylized in that pronounced Diablo Cody kind of way. I especially liked the fact that Jennifer (megan fox, who was perfect for this part) was essentially EXACTLY THE SAME after she became demonic as she was before, lulz... Plus, i SO KNOW what it's like to be eternally mocked by a horrible song by an evil band that has TOTALLY ill-begotten success, so it was nice to have my own feelings on the matter reiterated to me by an external source... but that's a different conversation.

oops, tangent. sorry!

but here's hockey. it's a dumb name, but they have the sound right.

Archie Gets Gay(er)

2010-04-22T22:49:00.001-07:00

Things that are funnier than Archie include mutilated kittens, your mom dying, sudden infant death syndrome, apartheid and Sarah Palin being elected as Dictator for Life in 2012, but i saw this news item about them introducing a gay character and i had to comment on it. i could give a fuck about Archie being inclusive, i just thought it was freaky and weird for them to attempt any kind of social progressiveness. it would be like if Family Circus introduced a pregnant transgendered asian woman or something.

i mean, it wouldn't surpise me if i were in line at the grocery store, and there was JUGHEAD on the cover of that inexplicably STILL IN PRINT comic book in total black face, eating a slice of watermelon while betty and veronica are both 17 months pregnant in the background, not wearing shoes as they prepare the men a delicious fried chicken dinner.

Get Low

2010-04-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

I am SO SICK of movie posters with this particular design, thus the considerably more appealing weiner dog shirt pic at the top of the post. TRY HARDER! Still, it looks like a good one, and i can't wait. Bill Murray is the shit, forever and ever amen.

Also starring Carrie

and Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore

The Robot Skeleton Sidekick/Oysters Rockefeller Connection: REVEALED!

2010-04-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

David Mason of House of Vader is in the upcoming "MULTINAUTS, the AMAZING FANTASY ADVENTURE PROGRAM," starring multiple luminaries beside himself. His character, arch villain Oysters Rockefeller, is the big bad on the show. the picture at the top is DM in character.

ANYWAY, Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, unveiled his new GAY SKELETON ROBOT SIDEKICK, Geoff Peterson. I think you'll agree that there is a striking resemblence between the two... i think they should let David style Geoff Peterson, though. Considering he's a gay robot skeleton, you'd think he'd have a little bit more flair.

Courtney Has Tells

2010-04-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Courtney Love - Amazon Interview
Uploaded by tearthepetals. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

if you have the time or the inclination, watch how direct and coherent and capable of making direct eye contact she is until she is asked about her songwriting process (skip to 3:00 just to watch the songwriting question part) and all of a sudden, she appears to have a series of strokes: she's squirming around in her chair, blinking a ton, CANNOT look at the interviewer for more than a fraction of a second at a time to SAVE HER LIFE, running her hand through her hair, talking about stevie nicks, then her identity in her songs, then starts to be comfortable and coherent again when she starts talking about performing live.

to review, totally fine and coherent by courtney love standards of behavior, then asked about the writing process, and immediately erupts into an incoherent tic-laden grand mal seizure of a diatribe that fails to be intelligible or linear in any way.

i will leave you to draw your own conclusions about what this might mean.

La La La La La La La La LAAAA LAAA, Lars Von Trieeeeeeeer!

2010-04-16T22:26:00.001-07:00

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier
SPOT ON, onion!

LvT is a genius, straight up. he's also totally bonkers. Additionally, he gives great interview. Most importantly, he psychologically tortured Björk.

Thanks to my dear non-believer friend Jason for the onion content.

Avengers Movie Announcement

2010-04-15T18:45:00.001-07:00

Ahh, the Avengers. You're no X-Men, guys, but you aren't nothing, either. With Marvel's forthcoming "Heroic Age" reinvention of the classic line comes the announcement that SLWMAC "Stuff (and people) that i like" official selection Joss Whedon will be directing the new film, starring Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Chris Evans as Captain America, Edward Norton rumoured to be playing Bruce Banner (Hulk, dumbass) and Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury.

Allegedly. We've heard this before (wonder woman Pre-production purgatory, anyone?), so be ready for a whole lot of pointless waiting. Not to be a negative nancy or anything but once bitten, twice shy, babe.

It Makes Me Sick To Say It, BUT:

2010-04-14T16:50:00.001-07:00

i'm thinking of getting a twitter account so i can follow Bret Easton Ellis and Craig Ferguson. Justin Jorgensen posted a tweet on his D&D (Design and dicks) blog Penis Ennui (best blog title ever?)from Ellis and it was GENIUS:

BretEastonEllis via twitter: Ran into Roger from American Dad at The White Party. “Telephone” blasting, pools of lube, Nacho from Grindr, all of us watching “Dahmer”…

if you've read his books, you recognize this as classic BEE. just the way he can totally put you in this fucked up surreally psychosexual scene with just a few strokes (as it were). ACK, i CANNOT wait for Imperial Bedrooms to come out. Also, twitter is sort of the perfect medium for Ellis, what with his fixation on disposable culture.

also, i GUESS it would be cool to interact with my friends :-)

still thinking about it though! not sure i'll go through with it.

Breaking Bad

2010-04-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

Are you guys watching this?

It's a show about this loser-y coulda been/never was chemistry wunderkind named Walter White (Malcolm in the Middle dad Bryan Cranston in a remarkable multi-award winning tour de force performance) who lost his shot at wealth and scientific prestige YEARS ago, and is now just a middle class high school chem teacher with a marginal amount of personal dignity in his life. Bad gets worse when he's diagnosed with almost certainly terminally advanced lung cancer. Thinking of his pregnant wife and teenage son who has cerebral palsy being left with less than nothing after the exhorbinant expense of his unlikely to succeed treatment, he of course realizes what he has to do:

Manufacture a new strain of blue SUPER-METH, obviously.

with his gangsta wannabe super small time dealer/z tier cook of a former student, he sets off on a very jacked up course.

Season Three is airing now (next episode will be the 4th of the season). Seasons One and Two are out on DVD. Netflix it, buy it, whatever it. it's a bleak, funny, twisted, visceral show with a heart... however that works, but it's true!

Fair warning, though- if you were ever into meth, this show will make you grind your teeth a little bit. Still, it's worth the discomfort. The drug stuff doesn't make it look fun or cute in any way shape or form.

ps: my friend rob wants to bang the teenage son who has cerebral palsy. at least he LOOKS legal, i guess?

stay classy, rob!

:-)

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

2010-04-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

Dave's Pawn Shop 1

Dave's Pawn Shop 2

Dave's Pawn Shop 3

They posted this thing on the Flight of the Conchords HBO page saying that they won't be coming back for a third season, "but the real Bret and Jermaine will continue to exist."

NOT THE SAME!

but at least there's DIAGNOSIS: DEATH!

it's like our paris.

Out of Our Minds

2010-04-08T02:21:00.000-07:00

Melissa Auf der Mar, former Hole and Smashing Pumpkins bassist has released the video for the lead single "Out of Our Minds" from her upcoming album of the same name.

It's a cool song and a neat video. Pretty good, and you have to admire her for doing her own thing, coming out with her own album at the same time as Courtney but still being totally classy in the press. You get the feeling that the whole time she was in Hole (oops) she was learning how to NOT BE LIKE COURTNEY. Plus, she can fucking WHALE on the bass, and the guitar and other instruments. I sort of got to talk to her in 1999 when me and my friend jewell got pulled on stage at the last HOLE tour, and she went in her pocket and got a whole bunch of her personalized guitar picks out and gave them to us, and she was just super nice and sweet but funny and cool, too. after they did Celebrity Skin, i was like "that was SO GOOD!" and she did kind of a valley girl thing while smiling and said "i KNOW!" and then totally grinned at me. She's rad.

I Am AGOG!

2010-04-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

saw this on Penis Ennui and House of Vader yesterday, and christ almighty i don't go in for this sort of shit, but DAMN. it's AMAZING, and if it weren't for a few VERY MINOR points in the song where his phrasing reminds you he is asian, you'd be like "this is better than whitney (pre-crack)." it's not just vocal dynamics, either. this LITTLE ASIAN BOY seems to REALLY EMOTE. Roll the FUCK OVER, susan Boyle!

The Revenge of the Living Ham

2010-04-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

SO, ham was on sale for easter and at a little over a dollar a pound, who can pass that shit up? so i got a 10 pound ham, and the race is ON to see if i can really use it all up before it turns. So far i've made a savory ham and lentil soup that is just on the cusp of being stew... it's pretty thick. Also, i made the obvious large batch of ham salad for sandwiches and crackers and stuff (with light mayo, which isn't actually bad with something as strong tasting as ham). what else do you guys think i should try? worst case scenario, i can just freeze a bunch of it for soups and whatever later on, but i was thinking it might be fun to try some new ham tricks.

lemme know if you've got ideas!

Craig Ferguson Wins Peabody Award

2010-04-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

For his watershed interview of Archbishop Desmond Tutu. If you watch this and still don't get why Craig Ferguson is the most compelling presence in late night television, then i'm pretty sure that i don't want to know you. I love tv... so much of it is trash, but it really can be transcendant sometimes, and this is an example of that.

Above is the complete episode, in order. it's worth the 38-40 minutes of your time, i assure you.

Mystery Team

2010-04-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

i've been waiting for this fucking movie to come out for MONTHS. it was supposed to get released in march, and i went to buy it, but the release got pushed back to the end of may.

bullshitty. anyway, check the trailer and join me in my impatience and frustration. take, eat. do this in remembrance of me.

it's the green band, but i thought this trailer was funnier than the red. couldn't find a copy that fit on the blog, so double click to get the pop out.

Go HERE to check out more from Derrick Comedy.

this is kind of silly, but it's still funny.

"you're my middle-aged angel..."

"age is just a number and i'm not good at math"

"i want to bring your love to show and tell"

etc, lol.

Um...

2010-03-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

Look what Jason made me!

Wow. Just... Wow.

i don't really know why my head has to be on a woman's body, but apart from that, it TAKES MY BREATH AWAY.

i also like the hill people style moonshine jug realness.

if somebody (jason) could insert a gaggle of monkeys into this, i think we'd be talking BANNER PIC, here.

New Bret Easton Ellis: Imperial Bedrooms

2010-03-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

THANK GOD. motherfucker needs to write faster.

this is the sequel to Less Than Zero.

First line as per Ellis: They had made a movie about us.

coming June 2010...

Subject Matter Vacation, All I Ever Wanted...

2010-03-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

So this is my second semester where i've taken ONLY maths, sciences or statistics, and let me tell YOU, all left brain work and no right brain play makes Sethy a DULL BOY.

anyway, i'm taking a 2 credit writing class this weekend just for fun and superfast credit. i thought it was just called "Creative Writing" but i got this thing in the mail the other day that called it "Creative Writing Workshop: How to be an Original Writer," and that sounds a little bit lamer, i have to admit. i have very vivid ideas about the lame-o's who are going to be in the seminar with me. i visualize berets, art fair earrings, ornate and complex facial hair and lots of not very subtle proclamations about how "in the writing group that i belong to..."

I also suspect that the people in that class who AREN'T 'like that' are going to be the dregs of the academic barrell, who are only in there because the class was still open for registration and to keep up their minimum number of credits for the semester.

i could be totally wrong, of course. i've never taken a writing class that wasn't required before. i mean, I love writing, i know some cool writers, but mostly in my experience i've found that self-identified writers are cringe inducing and mega lame and either SUPER untalented and/or complete posers.

maybe i'm just predjudiced. maybe i'll find these notions of mine challenged by this experience.

Update:

The highlight of the evening for me was when the instructor said that in the short story writing class that she's teaching this semester, she was forced to ban VAMPIRES as subject matter. While hilarious, i also felt an overwhelming sense of pity for this woman- i can't IMAGINE how awful it would be to read non-stop vampire stories as conceived by 30 or so moderately to UN talented 18 - 20 year olds who either want to be Anne Rice or Stephanie Meyer. oh, the unbearable darkness! VLAH!

moving along...

it was just day one, and we only met for two hours, but so far, i was partially right... people did work their writing groups into their introductions, and there were a couple of people saying insufferable things, BUT:

the vast majority of the group are middle to later aged women. What made me think that maybe i should dial back my judgement a bit was the fact that most of the people there talked about wanting to be able to express something and not knowing how to do so, and they also talked about the fear that they had surrounding that need, as well as the possible consequences. THAT is something that i can respect and have compassion for, so that's what i'm holding onto for dear life. if their writing is awful is beside the point. they have something that they feel like they have to say and they're struggling to say it. that's real, and human and- in my humble- admirable.

having said that, i may feel very differently by sunday afternoon.

BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

2010-03-25T17:37:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh...

South Park has still got it.

as soon as i saw this episode, i knew EXACTLY which picture they used, lol.

I kind of like SJP (Honeymoon In Vegas, LA Story, Ed Wood and also she was really funny tormenting Bette Midler in First Wives Club) but Sex in the City is a straight up slice of DIRTY ASS and i can't believe how many people (gay men and women that DON'T live in New York and probably DON'T live in an urban area at all) LOVED that show, including my boyfriend. he secretly rented "The Ugly Truth" the other day, though, so who knows what darkness lurks in the heart of Germone.

PS:

Like the shark, the Sarah Jessica Parker has millions of teeth, which it uses to cut through bone, candy and fences.

OMG Becky, I Can't Fucking Wait

2010-03-15T15:38:00.001-07:00

The news came out last week and everybody knew about it i think, but Betty White is hosting SNL on May 8th- the mother's day episode.

They're pulling out all the stops to make this as EPIC as possible.

Tina Fey, Amy Poelher, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and Molly Shannon (not pictured, but you all know what she looks like) will all be backing up our girl Betty. It should be pretty fucking good. i'm hoping that all the guest stars will have a role in writing the episode's material- not that Seth Myers and Co aren't more than capable, but there are some real comedic luminaries here, and all of them female, and it could be that they'd have a little extra insight when it comes to writing sketches for a woman like BW.

OH! they should TOTALLY get Maya Rudolph's boyfriend Quentin Tarantino to write a sketch! can you IMAGINE?

Hand Transplant

2010-03-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

The video above isn't of the hand transplant that i wanted to talk about, but it is the same institution and doctor (Lee) that was involved.

They just did a new surgery with 23 doctors that took 11 hours for this Army guy who lost BOTH hands in a farming accident. to do it, they had to remove the arm above the right elbow before attaching the donor arm. most amazing, the guy has functionality in his left hand ALREADY, and the surgery was only three weeks ago. it's INSANE.

when the footage i saw becomes available online, i'll update this entry. it's almost up on the abc website HERE, but it's taking forever to load. i'm up in prescott at my "Gay Dads'" house for spring break, and their computer is rickety and slow as hell.

Ugh

2010-03-09T21:08:00.001-08:00

really DIDN'T want to ever have to do this, but i'm going to have to put SLWMAC on comment moderation mode.

I am so sick of writing about this, but this is probably the last time, unless he mails me a pig's heart with a nail through it or something really colorful like that...

Lu the 43 year old ex-boyfriend STILL won't leave me alone. If he bothers you guys on your blogs, just report it to blogger. He's started a blog where his username is my real name, so i guess just watch out for comments from "me." Or you can go to his blog, and look at some 10 year old pictures of me where i'm extra extra fat and/or not wearing an appropriate amount of clothing. He writes these mildly broken english captions 'in character' as me, and reveals what he believes to be SHOCKING REVELATIONS about me.

His life must be FANTASTIC.

The Mystery of The Jorgensen Wall

2010-03-05T23:15:00.000-08:00

above: Justin Jorgensen's wall from THE ZONE (click image to enlarge).

Justin Jorgensen did the design for this LA gay sex club called THE ZONE, and he did a series of blog posts about the conceptual and practical processes behind this strange assignment which i found to be pretty interesting/entertaining. One of them detailed how to do a wall with a contour line picture of a guy getting head, and it literally drove me crazy for MONTHS, because it reminded me of something, but i couldn't figure out what.

ANYWAY, today i was talking to someone about collage, and i was suggesting that they check out David Wojnarowicz, and then it hit me! that's what the Jorgensen wall reminded me of! Sweet Relief!

above: Various works by the seminal David Wojnarowicz

Skinny Little Bitch

2010-03-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

The new single for Courtney Love's reconstituted HOLE (Now with 25% of ANY previous HOLE incarnation!) album/opus/eggregiously late homework 'Nobody's Daughter' was offered up as a free download on the ALBUM SITE on the 4th, and it is a grindy little piece of hard black candy (that's a compliment).

It would make a GREAT stripper song, FOR REALS.

BELOW is C-Lo and company doing a real quick version of "Pretty on the Inside" followed by an abbreviated "Sympathy for the Devil," which she pretty much KILLS. As usual, her choice of covers (past covers include Fleetwood Mac's 'Gold Dust Woman,' Guns and Roses' 'Paradise City,' and Bob Dylan's 'It's All Over Now, Baby Blue'- all of which sounded like they were written for her)is arrogant and excellent.

Skip to 1:10 to check out "Sympathy."