Volunteering (part 2)

Ok, it would appear that my anxiety was somewhat unfounded...

Today went really well with my family. Everybody was smiling and happy and laughing and somehow this old guy with a cool little hat who speaks Nepali came over and kicked it (a medium sized miracle in and of itself that they found somebody who speaks their language), and even the father who doesn't walk without assistance came out and sat and chilled. The mom, who was grim and unhappy to say the least the last time i was over, was even heard laughing. I attempted some Nepali (hello, thank you, goodbye) and it's HARD to pronounce, except for Namasté, but that was probably the biggest obstacle of the day. Me and the adult children filled out applications and tomorrow we're going to turn some of them in and practice our speaking to potential employer skills.

I guess last time was awkward for everybody, and that must have been why the mood was so tense, along with my raging fears of inferiority, lol. i had this idea in my mind like they were totally isolated and alone in this bleak apartment (the apartment is still kind of bleak, to be fair) and didn't know what to do etc etc, and i guess that that's SORT of true, but this time i got to see them all happy, and that was all i really needed was to know that they can be happy here, with or without assistance from me. They're already forging relationships and finding common ground and all that, so yay!

pressure's off, all is well, and this will all be alright i think. I just hope that jobs come soon. that would be awesome. that's a good 50% of it right there, i think.

Volunteering

So i FINALLY met the refugee family i'm going to be working with (after initiating the long drawn out process in the beginning of june) and i'm kind of freaking out because there is SO MUCH need there, and i know it's not my job to make their lives here PERFECT, i'm just sort of supposed to be a guide and help them hook up with jobs and practice english and learn how to shop on the cheap and ride the bus, but considering how small the amount of money they get to live off of is, i kind of feel like the pressure is ON to get them jobs and stuff. their apartment is practically BARE, their living room has one futon in it and a tv on the floor (they made a joke about it being for decoration) that isn't hooked up and doesn't get any channels anyway since everything went digital. they don't know anyone, their ethnicity doesn't really EXIST in the united states, so there is ZERO sense of community for them AND these people have been in a refugee camp for years and years and years, and the adult children i guess grew up in them so yeah. The family consists of two older parents and their two adult children, one boy and one girl. the father can't walk and requires assistance and doesn't even have a wheelchair or walker or anything, so somebody has to be at home at all times. the adult kids want to get jobs and have the parents stay home. they're really nice, and i'm scared that i'm going to be insufficient. i am pretty sure that when they asked the volunteer coordinator if i drove or not and she told them no that their faces fell. i hope they don't feel like they got gypped. anyway, it was kind of painfully awkward. i can tell that they don't want to ask for anything, but we have to do something (it's a four hour a week commitment for 6 months) and they DO need help, so it's sort of like "well, maybe we should work on this" and they agree and i can't tell if it's because they're polite, or because they really think it's a good idea. so yeah... i am feeling very daunted by all of this, but i always feel super-intimidated when i start something i've never done before (see School) but then i end up doing well anyway, but this feels different because it's other people's lives, and they have SERIOUSLY been fucked over enough and if there has ever been an occasion where i need my overacheiver pathology to kick into high gear and take over my brain en todo, this is it.

Tuesday we're going to the library and filling out job applications and trying to find out about caregiving positions that require minimum certification (like mine!) for the daughter and um... yeah. i ordered a map and a Nepali to English dictionary on amazon and i'm thinking about giving them my dvd player (or at least lending it to them) since germone has one anyway and we almost always watch tv in the living room now that we got a couch. i looked on netflix for movies in Nepali, but i couldn't find any... just an asian movie with chow yun fat in it called "witch from Nepal" and while i thought it kind of looked good, it kind of seemed like maybe the first cultural offering i give to them shouldn't paint their ethnic culture as being witchy or evil in nature. friday after i met them, i came home and got on the phone looking for a free wheelchair, and i finally found one (my old in home care job taking care of ray- my ex-boss/friend judy still has his wheelchair in the garage) but it's in prescott, which is four hours away one way, 8 hours away round trip, but at least i know it's there. they're supposed to have some sort of health care here, but i'm not sure if it's state health care or something special, but it should be provided, but i have yet to hear back from the coordinator about it, and i'm not sure if i should be directing my questions to her or if there's a caseworker i should be talking to or what. Anyway, i feel like a COMPLETE ASSHOLE for sitting around this very comfortable apartment all summer feeling sorry for myself because i'm in this city that i don't know and didn't have anything going on. I KIND OF felt like an asshole for feeling that way when i was feeling that way, but now i feel like a totally spoiled, entitled, self indulgent douchebag. i mean, at least i had TV to watch in my own language. Even when i was in Brazil i had all the american tv i could watch. You know what, though? Maybe i AM the right person for this job after all, because what i lack in having a car, i more than compensate for with my WHITE AMERICAN GUILT! MY SHAME IS THEIR GAIN!

Pardon My Blogular Dust

Blerg. i'm not exactly depressed, but i am starting to feel some serious apathy creeping in. I'm sorry my blog's gone quiet, i just have nothing worth reporting on, and i haven't felt like musing on Brett Michaels any further, so that leaves pretty much nothing to talk about. I haven't really felt like seeing or talking to ANYBODY, actually. not on the phone or texting (except jason, who is across the country so OF COURSE i want to hang out with him, lol) or anything. i think it's because i have no news to report and i just don't want to interact with anyone until i have something good to say for myself. I need a fucking job.

Ugh, i CANNOT wait until school starts.

Finally today i recieved a glimmer of hope- i got an email from one IRC's volunteer coordinator, so i can get the ball rolling on that at least. It's pretty cool, actually- it'll be working with refugee families in tucson. check it out.

Also, the coordinator from Primavera (homeless shelter/drop in facility gig) gets back later this week, so that should be good.

Job Search Suicide Blues

Christ on a muthafuckin' cracker, i hate looking for a job. It's the most depressing, self-esteem eroding process ever. i went on Jobing.com and looked under ALL health care positions available and FIRST OF ALL, it would seem that EVERYTHING caregiver oriented down here is SMI/DD (Seriously Mentally Ill/Developmentally Disabled), which is weird, and because of that they want you to have a driver's license and a clean driving record...

I, of course, have notoriously never had a license, and have only the most minimal of vehicular understanding... i have not, for example, ever performed a successful three-point turn.

SO i scrolled through probably 150 health care jobs, and GRANTED my certification level is not that impressive, but i only found 1 place that didn't exclude me because of the driving thing. Germonicorn says that he knows that at least 2 of the companies that have jobs posted on there just automatically put that on their job postings, and that MOST places if you get overnight shifts (which is what i wanted so me and germone could be on the same schedule) don't need you to drive or have a car, etc. i believe him and everything, but i'm still discouraged. I barely saw anything from care facilities (like, geriatric assisted living, which is what my background/experience is in) which is weird. those places have mad turnover- i'm just going to have to call around and find someplace, because i KNOW there have to be positions available for caregivers. i'd prefer to work at a larger one- they tend to not be as disgustingly negligent.

I ended up applying online at Circle K, lol. jobs like that are so weird to apply for- the app process is so severe, it's like you're applying for ownership of weapons grade plutonium or something. There's this Qwik Mart on the corner that i might be able to get a job at also... the night clerk says there's somebody who works there that they don't like, so maybe JUST MAYBE i can swoop in and follow my dreams of clerking at a poorly lit convenience store. That place seems like they'll hire whoever, up to and probably including the corpse from "Weekend at Bernies". Honestly, i don't care if i get hired shovelling shit for minimum wage, i just need to get some damn money coming in. it's only for the summer, anyways. I'm going to apply at Fucking Fry's Food and Drug later today, maybe get a job in their deli or something (i have recent deli experience from DeathStar Safeway, let's not forget!) and if that fails, Burger King it is. I don't even fucking care. i know how to say cheese and hamburger in spanish, it'll be fine.

Went to a volunteer fair yesterday and got information for a bunch of cool opportunities for community stuff, etc. I'm leaning toward Primavera, where i would be volunteering at a homeless drop in facility (showers, movies, a place to get off the street from morning to mid-day) and doing intake at the overnight homeless shelter. there are other places i'm interested in, too, but this was the thing that kind of really caught my eye. Having been HOMELESS HOMELESS (albeit on and off for only a couple of months, and i know that that's NOTHING compared to a lot of the people but BELIEVE ME, that is enough to get the picture- one day homeless feels like FOREVER, it's HORRIBLE, and people treat you like TOTAL SHIT, like, zero empathy, like they KNOW in there hearts that you somehow DESERVE it, and there's no WAY that bad shit happens to halfway decent people) before, and having experienced the UBERMISERY and dehumanization, i'm particularly impressed with the drop in center as a concept. it's a GREAT and humane resource to have for such a marginalized group. i figure it'll be good for me while i TRY to find a job, and it'll be positive and i can network and you never know what volunteering positions will lead to, you know? I'm kind of wowed by how Volunteering-oriented Tucson is. there's a lot of amazing stuff/projects going on out here, especially when you consider the relatively small size of the city/surrounding areas.

OH MY GOD, i can't wait for school to start... the halcyon days of living off of financial aid, and just studying and studying and studying... my classes are so rad this year, it's going to be great, i just know it.

I've been keeping myself busy with the aforementioned baking and also sticking cut out pictures of germone's face onto the random bizarro keepsakes that me and germone are both prone to...

For the sake of concluding this Eeyore-esque occupational angst-o-thon on an UP note:

BEHOLD, the GERMONICLOWN!

how's that for a big finish, eh? eh?