Exit the Zsa Zsa

Goodnight you fierce ass cop slapping bitch, you.

This Was My Desktop Background For About A Year

Betty White is the fiercest of the Golden Girls- all of whom were/are pretty rad in their own rights.

Recently, it came out that when betty sent stroke victim Rue "Blanche the WHORE" Maclanahan a get well card and bouquet, the card read "Dear Rue, I hope you hurry up and die so I can be the last Golden Girl left. NOT KIDDING!"

Rue allegedly thought it was pretty hilarious, but DAMN. that's a hardcore joke. Rock on, Betty White. Rock the fuck on.

WELCOME Aaron Cobbett!

I LOVE your stuff and i think you're an absolute genius (NOT a word i bandy about, by the way), and i am HONORED, THRILLED, and SHOCKED to have your readership! if you're here because you lost some sort of bet, don't feel like you have to tell me, ok?

:-)

*(turns away from imaginary Aaron Cobbett to face his decidedly imaginary readership)*

I just found out about him when i started reading the GREAT HOUSE OF VADER this last december (THANK YOU, jason), but i'm glad i did because WOW?! If you are reading this and are unfamiliar, go check his stuff out at aaroncobbett.com/. That means ALL FOUR OF YOU! GET!!

PS, i WANT to put a picture up, but i feel like to put one up or even a selection of Cobbett's stuff up would almost be misleading because his stuff is so vast and varied? you guys should truly check out the site.

Um... Yay?!?

i'm in... tucson. to live. indefinately. w00t.

o_O

ok, tucson is kind of um... shitty... but the HOUSE germone got us is pretty damn nice. i like the house a lot. it feels like it should have a pool, but it doesn't. several times in the last few days, i've been like "i should take a swim" but then i remember that the pool here is IMPLIED and not actually existant.

i walked to the 24 hour wal-mart grocery store that is half a mile down from the house, and i have to say- NOT a sexy walk. i DID get cruised by a semi-guapo latino gentleman with a proud coorporate mullet when i was trying to pick out my aluminum foil brand of choice, though, so it wasn't a complete wash. i know it's sick, but there's something about a mexican dude with a RAT-TAIL that just kind of almost does it for me. this guy didn't have one- i just felt compelled to share that. you're welcome. roll that around in your mouth.

ahh, tucson.

what part of this is unclear?

i know i have a boyfriend and everything, but i still like to frequent okcupid just to see what kind of flotsam i'm attracting... you know, charting trends, analyzing data, it's purely scientific.

MY profile reads (at one point) when i am administering the standard disclaimer about being post-pubescent:

"i wouldn't describe myself as a yeti or anything (or liken myself to animals in general, ie bear, pup, cub, etc... so strange... what's that even about?)."

because the BEAR COMMUNITY IS FUCKING CREEPY TO ME. i'm not trying to be mean, but it just seems like a really ridiculous set of values to unite a group- an arbitrary genetic trait like a tendency toward being fat and/or hairy? that is fucking dumb. this is the UNITED STATES, throw a goddamn phonebook, and you'll hit at least ten fat hairy men, with at least one of them statistically likely to be gay.

anyway, i think that my statement about not self-identifying in bear community lingo (because it's RETARDED) is pretty clear. so when i looked at the profile of this australian dude (username Teddybeard- red flag number one) that messaged me i was at a bit of a loss. the first sentence in his profile is as follows:

"I am a young guy heavily involved in the Bear and Cub scene, my vocation is in Radio Broadcasting and I'm currently at university."

0_0

i hope this doesn't come off as hateful or anything, i just don't GET it. John Waters has some insight on this.


ON SECOND THOUGHT - UPDATE (5/23/09):

You know what, though? I'm pretty much sexually retarded, so i concede the possibility that my discomfort is my own problem. Also, i think it's pretty cool when people are comfortable in their own skin. I myself am NOT that comfortable in my own skin, and i never have been, so who knows? maybe i'm JEALOUS?! MAYBE I HAVE BEAR ENVY?!

Allll Byyyyyyy Myseeeeeeeeeeeeelf....

that was supposed to be funny, but the funny is seriously negated by the cold harsh reality that that song is ASS. lol, i just remembered that in the film adaptation of the rules of attraction, that goth girl killed herself with this playing. um, if i were exposed to eric carmen for more than ten consecutive minutes, i'm sure that i would take a long walk down razorblade road myself.

ANYWAY, my SUPERFIERCE aunt cyd has gone on her first major vacation as of yesterday-she's going to miami, a european cruise, back to miami and then to london and then to back home to phoenix on a three week extravaganza of decadence. i'm all alone with her 17 damn cats, my upcoming final exams and essays, and some mixed blessing solitude. usually i enjoy the silence, but i've been just a tiny bit emotionally uneven lately and have had a really hard time not drinking, so i think that maybe being alone for three weeks is maybe not the best thing for me, BUT i can't think of ANYONE EVER who deserves a really epic vacation more than my aunt. she's not the kind of person who does stuff for herself- in fact, she has consistantly neglected herself for the benefit of either myself or my grandfather (and my late grandma) ever since i have been down in az, which is going on 12 years now. Happily, i've been pretty much self-reliant and low maintenance for coming up on five years now, but just as i started getting better, my grandparents started going downhill in a more pronounced way. I learned the term for fifty-sixtyish middle aged people caught in between the needs of adult children and their increasingly geriatric parents from my psych class last semester- they're called the "middle generation". i think cyd exemplifies that burden better than anybody i know, and she does it without complaint and without even letting slip the hardship she undertakes to provide the necessary support. for instance, i just found out a few WEEKS AGO that my aunt took out a second mortgage on her house so that she could pay for putting my grandmother in good sam for a year, and she never even told anybody. that was in 2005! the only reason i know now, is because she accidentally let it slip. that's 70,000 dollars that she kicked in, while my mom and stepfather (who is an nuclear engineer for GE who made 200,000$ a year twenty years ago and probably makes way more now) didn't contribute ANY money, but DID endlessly criticize my grandmother's care from 1500 miles away until she died, AND my aunt took time off of work and flew back to nebraska at least once a month for a year to get my grandpa through the adjustment of having his wife of over 50 years being in a home with hardcore dementia, and then when she died took off almost a full month to deal with the funeral... she's just the strongest, most amazing woman and she is absolutely my hero. if i could be like anyone, i would want to be like her.

on a lighter note, i got an email from her today (she just flew out of phoenix last night) that reads:

I'm not coming back.
Cyd

with this picture attached


Doesn't she look super happy? AWWWW! i'm so proud of her for doing this for herself... i miss her already, though!