For Those Of You Out There Who Are Directing Plays

Here's a little somethin' somethin' to um... well, not ENCOURAGE, per se, but... uh... hmmm.

Ten Days Of Betty: 10 Days Left

In Honor of Betty White hosting SNL on May 8th for the Mother's Day episode, i'm gonna post a Betty White something or other every day until that magical day arrives.

This is day one (10 days remaining), and i've got her on the George Lopez Talk show, Lopez tonight. Here, she talks about her SAG lifetime achievement award, how she wants to bone robert redford, Sandra Bullock and Jesse James (pre-scandal) and the enduring global popularity of the Golden Girls.

The Bleeding Edge Will Give You PTSD

as seen above.

Television Love Letter

Last Night I Went To A Potluck and i was so spent from the weekend that i had like, NEGATIVE personality and was a COMPLETE DIALTONE for the most part, AND i broke a cardinal rule of white person etiquette. I was kind of intimidated by the crowd a little bit. People kept on making jokes about the travails of being a grad student and talking about (what i think were) different types of major academic papers or rubrick systems or something and pretty much EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING except for me, my friend travis and the slightly creepy bohemian guy from next door who was actually kind of funny because he congratulated travis and i on NOT going to UofA, which i thought was kind of aware and clever. everybody was super nice, i don't mean to say they were snobby or unapproachable, because they weren't, it was just some ADVANCED COLLEGIATE-ESE being spoken and i'm a pretty smart well read guy, i think, but they may as well have been speaking ewok or something


The big reveal that i didn't know about going in was that the pretext for the party was defrauding a Pro-Zionist "charity" that i guess pays jews who have made their pilgimmage to have dinner and talk Zionist values or something and the more people you take to dinner, the more of a budget you are given... with our very cool hosts redirecting the money they get from the group (18 bucks a head) to a "Real" charity. So they got everybody together for a group photo, which they send in, and then they get paid. Tucker, the host, made the very funny comment that he couldn't think of a worse idea for a charity than paying people who could afford to go out to dinner to go out to dinner or something to that effect, which i thought was just ROFLMFAO exactly right. I myself have some very strong anti-Zionist feelings (not to be confused with anti-jewish sentiment AT ALL) and against the Israeli government's US backed military (500+ billion a year), so i was glad to help.

The Lulz turned to HORROR when i broached the subject of television. i asked Tucker's boyfriend Forrest if he'd seen some show or something, and he said that HE DIDN'T LIKE TV. i kind of lost it a little bit and i just kept saying "WHO DOESN'T LIKE TV?!" like he'd said that he douses hobos with kerosene while they sleep and then sets them ablaze or something. Even TRAVIS turned on me, and was like "i don't really like tv, either. I watch a couple of shows that i like," and yeah. I started to argue with him that the fact that he WILL NOT DO ANYTHING on the night LOST is on because he is so deeply devoted to the show kind of undermines his claims of general ambivalence, but i stopped because i wanted to berate him in a playful manner, but i could see forrest and this pretty black girl who was fixated on miniatures were looking at me like "oh no! he's getting mad at his friend!" and i didn't want to be misread any further as i'd already given myself away as a cretin what with my love of the idiot box. seriously, though- i don't know what to say to that, other than just a mask of horrified disbelief. Finally, after more confrontational questions directed at Forrest, who thought i was joking or something, i turned to travis and was just like "Come on Travis. Let's go outside." I was still stuck on the subject, though, and once i sat down around the firepit (with actual fire!) i was like "WHO DOESN'T LIKE TV?!" and pretty much EVERYBODY THERE was like "I DON'T HAVE A TV!" it was BAD. i can't remember the last time i was this oblivious to who my audience was (audience meaning 'the people around you,' i don't actually think that when i am invited to a party that the people there are MY AUDIENCE, because that's GROSS unless you're a drag queen or something an it happens to be automatically true no matter where you go or something, but i am NOT THAT CAPTIVATING, this i know, lol). that's one of my life rules- "KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE." so that's a big red mark in the PERSONAL FAIL column, i guess. frowny face :(

Later, Tucker would say that he didn't own a tv, but he immeidiately said "but we talked about loving 30 rock," and so i grant him immunity, and he does not need to be voted off of the island.

seriously, though, i do not understand how anybody can say that they don't like tv? there are SO MANY amazing shows, i personally believe that TV is in it's TRUE golden age, and has been for over 10 years now. Also, i find that TV allows for a much more satisfying experience for me, a viewer. there is a much more comprehensive exploration of themes and characters and so forth, and thus the investment on my part is greater. This is to say nothing of the opportunites for MASSIVE, multi-season plot arcs, that when done properly, is nothing short of rapturous.* I love movies, too, don't get me wrong, but i don't understand why movies are a medium that is accepted as art, but TV isn't? that's some bullshit.

i'm going to go out on a limb here, and just go on the record: if for some reason i was forced to choose between never being allowed to see a movie again or never being allowed to watch TV again, i would WITHOUT HESITATION choose TV, despite my VERY strong love of film. it's so easy to say "oh, there's so much trash on tv! all those reality shows are so bad!" and I AGREE WITH YOU- nobody wants to see the Kardashian's pushed into a vat of acid more than me, i ASSURE YOU, but you know what? go to your local multi-plex and take a look at what's playing there. i think that the ratio for complete shit is about the same.


**OFFICIAL EFFORT AT CLARITY**
Tucker and Forrest are just super nice guys and i really like them.

*examples that quickly spring to mind: season 5 finale of buffy (originally prepared and conceived as the series finale), season 6 finale of buffy (just what they did with willow, and how it referred to all this stuff that you barely noticed for the entire series and had it culminate in a brutal deconstruction of one of TV's alltime most beloved characters is EPIC), the end of (i think?) season 5 of The Shield when they killed Lem, The Wire in general, but ESPECIALLY season 4, the season that focuses on school, the series finale of Six Feet Under (which actually isn't my favorite show in the world, though good, i find it to be VERY OVERRATED, but the series finale pulls it the fuck together in one of the finest sequences i have ever seen on film, be it movies or TV... and the list goes ON, but you catch my drift. TV IS AWESOME, LOVING TV DOES NOT MAKE YOU STUPID (necessarily, lol), TV HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER THAN IT IS NOW, TV CAN BE ART IN A WAY THAT FILM NEVER CAN.

*UPDATE: Damages, Breaking Bad, Skins (british series), Sons of Anarchy, seasons 3 and 4 of Supernatural (which isn't even consistently good), John from Cincinnati, Deadwood, 30 Rock (seriously, i know it's mainstream, but netflix it from the begninning, it's hilarious), etc etc etc...

I'm Not Bi-Polar (I Don't Think), BUT

i seem to be having a bout of mania? admittedly, i did have a big superstrong thing of coffee at about 7pm last night, but JESUS CHRIST, this ALWAYS HAPPENS the night before i have to travel. maybe i just get excited, i don't know. plus the coffee. that was dumb.

I Got Too Much Soul For You/I Don't Like It But It's True

BEHOLD: "Too Fake" performed live at a SPIN magazine rooftop session by the Portland based band, Hockey.

i like this song. wierd i never heard of them. i'm usually sort of on this shit. they sound like the strokes should have sounded after 'is this it?' but instead they shit the bed with 'room on fire,' and then by the time that 'first impressions of earth' came out, it was too late- the world had sort of lost interest. maybe they were doomed to backlash regardless, though. sort of like diablo cody after 'juno.' everybody fucking loved that movie, loved her, then all of a sudden the world simultaneously decided she was over, that her dialogue was too cute, and that 'juno' was for emo faggots. seriously, though, i can't think of a recent movie i enjoyed more than "jennifer's body." it's one of the only movies that i've watched several times in a short period of time in SEVERAL years. Directed by the asian lesbian lady who directed the Michelle Rodriguez boxing movie, "Girlfight," and the (in my opinion) ill-conceived Aeon Flux which my friend rob liked "Jennifer's Body" is a lot like heathers, but without Christian Slater, and literal demonic man-eating. it has so much super fun dialogue, even if it is super stylized in that pronounced Diablo Cody kind of way. I especially liked the fact that Jennifer (megan fox, who was perfect for this part) was essentially EXACTLY THE SAME after she became demonic as she was before, lulz... Plus, i SO KNOW what it's like to be eternally mocked by a horrible song by an evil band that has TOTALLY ill-begotten success, so it was nice to have my own feelings on the matter reiterated to me by an external source... but that's a different conversation.


oops, tangent. sorry!

but here's hockey. it's a dumb name, but they have the sound right.

Archie Gets Gay(er)

Things that are funnier than Archie include mutilated kittens, your mom dying, sudden infant death syndrome, apartheid and Sarah Palin being elected as Dictator for Life in 2012, but i saw this news item about them introducing a gay character and i had to comment on it. i could give a fuck about Archie being inclusive, i just thought it was freaky and weird for them to attempt any kind of social progressiveness. it would be like if Family Circus introduced a pregnant transgendered asian woman or something.

i mean, it wouldn't surpise me if i were in line at the grocery store, and there was JUGHEAD on the cover of that inexplicably STILL IN PRINT comic book in total black face, eating a slice of watermelon while betty and veronica are both 17 months pregnant in the background, not wearing shoes as they prepare the men a delicious fried chicken dinner.

Get Low

I am SO SICK of movie posters with this particular design, thus the considerably more appealing weiner dog shirt pic at the top of the post. TRY HARDER! Still, it looks like a good one, and i can't wait. Bill Murray is the shit, forever and ever amen.


Also starring Carrie

and Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore

The Robot Skeleton Sidekick/Oysters Rockefeller Connection: REVEALED!

David Mason of House of Vader is in the upcoming "MULTINAUTS, the AMAZING FANTASY ADVENTURE PROGRAM," starring multiple luminaries beside himself. His character, arch villain Oysters Rockefeller, is the big bad on the show. the picture at the top is DM in character.

ANYWAY, Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, unveiled his new GAY SKELETON ROBOT SIDEKICK, Geoff Peterson. I think you'll agree that there is a striking resemblence between the two... i think they should let David style Geoff Peterson, though. Considering he's a gay robot skeleton, you'd think he'd have a little bit more flair.

Courtney Has Tells

Courtney Love - Amazon Interview
Uploaded by tearthepetals. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

if you have the time or the inclination, watch how direct and coherent and capable of making direct eye contact she is until she is asked about her songwriting process (skip to 3:00 just to watch the songwriting question part) and all of a sudden, she appears to have a series of strokes: she's squirming around in her chair, blinking a ton, CANNOT look at the interviewer for more than a fraction of a second at a time to SAVE HER LIFE, running her hand through her hair, talking about stevie nicks, then her identity in her songs, then starts to be comfortable and coherent again when she starts talking about performing live.

to review, totally fine and coherent by courtney love standards of behavior, then asked about the writing process, and immediately erupts into an incoherent tic-laden grand mal seizure of a diatribe that fails to be intelligible or linear in any way.

i will leave you to draw your own conclusions about what this might mean.

La La La La La La La La LAAAA LAAA, Lars Von Trieeeeeeeer!

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier
SPOT ON, onion!

LvT is a genius, straight up. he's also totally bonkers. Additionally, he gives great interview. Most importantly, he psychologically tortured Björk.








Thanks to my dear non-believer friend Jason for the onion content.

Avengers Movie Announcement

Ahh, the Avengers. You're no X-Men, guys, but you aren't nothing, either. With Marvel's forthcoming "Heroic Age" reinvention of the classic line comes the announcement that SLWMAC "Stuff (and people) that i like" official selection Joss Whedon will be directing the new film, starring Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Chris Evans as Captain America, Edward Norton rumoured to be playing Bruce Banner (Hulk, dumbass) and Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury.

Allegedly. We've heard this before (wonder woman Pre-production purgatory, anyone?), so be ready for a whole lot of pointless waiting. Not to be a negative nancy or anything but once bitten, twice shy, babe.

It Makes Me Sick To Say It, BUT:

i'm thinking of getting a twitter account so i can follow Bret Easton Ellis and Craig Ferguson. Justin Jorgensen posted a tweet on his D&D (Design and dicks) blog Penis Ennui (best blog title ever?)from Ellis and it was GENIUS:

BretEastonEllis via twitter: Ran into Roger from American Dad at The White Party. “Telephone” blasting, pools of lube, Nacho from Grindr, all of us watching “Dahmer”…





if you've read his books, you recognize this as classic BEE. just the way he can totally put you in this fucked up surreally psychosexual scene with just a few strokes (as it were). ACK, i CANNOT wait for Imperial Bedrooms to come out. Also, twitter is sort of the perfect medium for Ellis, what with his fixation on disposable culture.

also, i GUESS it would be cool to interact with my friends :-)

still thinking about it though! not sure i'll go through with it.

Breaking Bad

Are you guys watching this?

It's a show about this loser-y coulda been/never was chemistry wunderkind named Walter White (Malcolm in the Middle dad Bryan Cranston in a remarkable multi-award winning tour de force performance) who lost his shot at wealth and scientific prestige YEARS ago, and is now just a middle class high school chem teacher with a marginal amount of personal dignity in his life. Bad gets worse when he's diagnosed with almost certainly terminally advanced lung cancer. Thinking of his pregnant wife and teenage son who has cerebral palsy being left with less than nothing after the exhorbinant expense of his unlikely to succeed treatment, he of course realizes what he has to do:

Manufacture a new strain of blue SUPER-METH, obviously.

with his gangsta wannabe super small time dealer/z tier cook of a former student, he sets off on a very jacked up course.

Season Three is airing now (next episode will be the 4th of the season). Seasons One and Two are out on DVD. Netflix it, buy it, whatever it. it's a bleak, funny, twisted, visceral show with a heart... however that works, but it's true!

Fair warning, though- if you were ever into meth, this show will make you grind your teeth a little bit. Still, it's worth the discomfort. The drug stuff doesn't make it look fun or cute in any way shape or form.

ps: my friend rob wants to bang the teenage son who has cerebral palsy. at least he LOOKS legal, i guess?

stay classy, rob!

:-)

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Dave's Pawn Shop 1

Dave's Pawn Shop 2

Dave's Pawn Shop 3

They posted this thing on the Flight of the Conchords HBO page saying that they won't be coming back for a third season, "but the real Bret and Jermaine will continue to exist."

NOT THE SAME!


but at least there's DIAGNOSIS: DEATH!

it's like our paris.

Out of Our Minds

Melissa Auf der Mar, former Hole and Smashing Pumpkins bassist has released the video for the lead single "Out of Our Minds" from her upcoming album of the same name.

It's a cool song and a neat video. Pretty good, and you have to admire her for doing her own thing, coming out with her own album at the same time as Courtney but still being totally classy in the press. You get the feeling that the whole time she was in Hole (oops) she was learning how to NOT BE LIKE COURTNEY. Plus, she can fucking WHALE on the bass, and the guitar and other instruments. I sort of got to talk to her in 1999 when me and my friend jewell got pulled on stage at the last HOLE tour, and she went in her pocket and got a whole bunch of her personalized guitar picks out and gave them to us, and she was just super nice and sweet but funny and cool, too. after they did Celebrity Skin, i was like "that was SO GOOD!" and she did kind of a valley girl thing while smiling and said "i KNOW!" and then totally grinned at me. She's rad.

I Am AGOG!

saw this on Penis Ennui and House of Vader yesterday, and christ almighty i don't go in for this sort of shit, but DAMN. it's AMAZING, and if it weren't for a few VERY MINOR points in the song where his phrasing reminds you he is asian, you'd be like "this is better than whitney (pre-crack)." it's not just vocal dynamics, either. this LITTLE ASIAN BOY seems to REALLY EMOTE. Roll the FUCK OVER, susan Boyle!

The Revenge of the Living Ham

SO, ham was on sale for easter and at a little over a dollar a pound, who can pass that shit up? so i got a 10 pound ham, and the race is ON to see if i can really use it all up before it turns. So far i've made a savory ham and lentil soup that is just on the cusp of being stew... it's pretty thick. Also, i made the obvious large batch of ham salad for sandwiches and crackers and stuff (with light mayo, which isn't actually bad with something as strong tasting as ham). what else do you guys think i should try? worst case scenario, i can just freeze a bunch of it for soups and whatever later on, but i was thinking it might be fun to try some new ham tricks.

lemme know if you've got ideas!

Craig Ferguson Wins Peabody Award

For his watershed interview of Archbishop Desmond Tutu. If you watch this and still don't get why Craig Ferguson is the most compelling presence in late night television, then i'm pretty sure that i don't want to know you. I love tv... so much of it is trash, but it really can be transcendant sometimes, and this is an example of that.

Above is the complete episode, in order. it's worth the 38-40 minutes of your time, i assure you.

Mystery Team

i've been waiting for this fucking movie to come out for MONTHS. it was supposed to get released in march, and i went to buy it, but the release got pushed back to the end of may.

bullshitty. anyway, check the trailer and join me in my impatience and frustration. take, eat. do this in remembrance of me.

it's the green band, but i thought this trailer was funnier than the red. couldn't find a copy that fit on the blog, so double click to get the pop out.

Go HERE to check out more from Derrick Comedy.






this is kind of silly, but it's still funny.

"you're my middle-aged angel..."

"age is just a number and i'm not good at math"

"i want to bring your love to show and tell"

etc, lol.