Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My Friend Robert Gonzales is Dead

Robert barely knew me when he made a concerted effort to pull me out of the wreckage of my life. i was doing daily labor and couch surfing with no personal belongings beyond a ratty post-post-second hand duffel full of lost and found clothing from the kicked out bin from a series of half way homes. he barely knew me, but he was like "i'm sick of you being in flux. fuck that. you're coming to stay at my place." and so it was. i moved in. he arranged me to take over his lease. he got me a job at the resort he worked at. he got me dress clothes, he took me to meetings, he was amazing, he was like pure love.

yesterday, while he was helping his sister angie move, he got in a car accident and now he's dead. i can't fucking believe it. if i had never met him, i know for a fact that i'd be dead. i am so broken hearted i can't even express the pain. he is one of the most amazing, selfless people i've ever known and to think that he's dead is such a slap in the face of fairness, reason, and cause and effect that i am in a profoud tailspin of faith and so on and so forth. his partner michael isn't even in the state. i'm zooming up to prescott tomorrow to um... you know. be there. i love robert so much, i want to die with him. i can't believe he's gone. i can't fucking believe it. no no no no no no no. no fucking nooooooooo. where is your god now, world. where is your fucking god?


  1. ok i know im late on this. but that news sucks. Im so sorry you lost a good friend. The fairness thing doesnt really work. that is unless he went to a better place which is very possible that he did. So it does suck for you. but if he was as good as a guy as you say, and im sure he was hes somewhere fierce right now. Its not for us to know where. Im sorry you lost a friend it sucks hard but hes cool now. doing who knows what, as what, wherever..
    Youre still here though, so do something interesting :)

  2. i'm late thanking you for your kind words and thoughts, but thank you, it meant a lot to me at the time, and still does. you've always been so nice to me, david mason, thank you. i think a lot of you in a whole bunch of ways, and i don't take it for granted. :)