written and unsuccessfully published on 11/02/2011: so i've been trying to edit my post about robert, but for whatever reason, blogger isn't letting me save changes. i wrote it a few hours after i found out he was dead, and it was late and i was calling people to talk about it, but nobody was up so i wrote about it. i just wanted to say that i don't really want to die, i was on my third forty and deep in grief and that's what came out. i don't believe in god, but robert sure did, and i was/am angry that something like that should happen to him. anyway, i'm up in prescott now. his partner michael got in last night, and i'm surrounded by amazing friends and things are as good as they can be given the horrible circumstances.