Volunteering

So i FINALLY met the refugee family i'm going to be working with (after initiating the long drawn out process in the beginning of june) and i'm kind of freaking out because there is SO MUCH need there, and i know it's not my job to make their lives here PERFECT, i'm just sort of supposed to be a guide and help them hook up with jobs and practice english and learn how to shop on the cheap and ride the bus, but considering how small the amount of money they get to live off of is, i kind of feel like the pressure is ON to get them jobs and stuff. their apartment is practically BARE, their living room has one futon in it and a tv on the floor (they made a joke about it being for decoration) that isn't hooked up and doesn't get any channels anyway since everything went digital. they don't know anyone, their ethnicity doesn't really EXIST in the united states, so there is ZERO sense of community for them AND these people have been in a refugee camp for years and years and years, and the adult children i guess grew up in them so yeah. The family consists of two older parents and their two adult children, one boy and one girl. the father can't walk and requires assistance and doesn't even have a wheelchair or walker or anything, so somebody has to be at home at all times. the adult kids want to get jobs and have the parents stay home. they're really nice, and i'm scared that i'm going to be insufficient. i am pretty sure that when they asked the volunteer coordinator if i drove or not and she told them no that their faces fell. i hope they don't feel like they got gypped. anyway, it was kind of painfully awkward. i can tell that they don't want to ask for anything, but we have to do something (it's a four hour a week commitment for 6 months) and they DO need help, so it's sort of like "well, maybe we should work on this" and they agree and i can't tell if it's because they're polite, or because they really think it's a good idea. so yeah... i am feeling very daunted by all of this, but i always feel super-intimidated when i start something i've never done before (see School) but then i end up doing well anyway, but this feels different because it's other people's lives, and they have SERIOUSLY been fucked over enough and if there has ever been an occasion where i need my overacheiver pathology to kick into high gear and take over my brain en todo, this is it.

Tuesday we're going to the library and filling out job applications and trying to find out about caregiving positions that require minimum certification (like mine!) for the daughter and um... yeah. i ordered a map and a Nepali to English dictionary on amazon and i'm thinking about giving them my dvd player (or at least lending it to them) since germone has one anyway and we almost always watch tv in the living room now that we got a couch. i looked on netflix for movies in Nepali, but i couldn't find any... just an asian movie with chow yun fat in it called "witch from Nepal" and while i thought it kind of looked good, it kind of seemed like maybe the first cultural offering i give to them shouldn't paint their ethnic culture as being witchy or evil in nature. friday after i met them, i came home and got on the phone looking for a free wheelchair, and i finally found one (my old in home care job taking care of ray- my ex-boss/friend judy still has his wheelchair in the garage) but it's in prescott, which is four hours away one way, 8 hours away round trip, but at least i know it's there. they're supposed to have some sort of health care here, but i'm not sure if it's state health care or something special, but it should be provided, but i have yet to hear back from the coordinator about it, and i'm not sure if i should be directing my questions to her or if there's a caseworker i should be talking to or what. Anyway, i feel like a COMPLETE ASSHOLE for sitting around this very comfortable apartment all summer feeling sorry for myself because i'm in this city that i don't know and didn't have anything going on. I KIND OF felt like an asshole for feeling that way when i was feeling that way, but now i feel like a totally spoiled, entitled, self indulgent douchebag. i mean, at least i had TV to watch in my own language. Even when i was in Brazil i had all the american tv i could watch. You know what, though? Maybe i AM the right person for this job after all, because what i lack in having a car, i more than compensate for with my WHITE AMERICAN GUILT! MY SHAME IS THEIR GAIN!