Do You Wanna Find Alligator Cowboy Boots They Just Put On Sale?

For some of you, i am sure that the answer is probably YES.

My Two Dads

So I'm taking Germonicorn to Prescott to meet my surrogate homosexual fathers tomorrow (technically today). I probably should have sought approval before moving in with him, but i was on a schedule so fuck it. I'm wondering how this is going to be. the last dude i had meet either Robert or Michael was Lu the Brazillian Communist, and Robert was like "why is he visiting you? you obviously hate him." and um... yeah. that was two and a half years ago... and change. Lu was pretty fine, though. and he's a concert pianist and wanted to rent me a beach house in Brazil where i could write ALONE for 5 days a week and have him come see me on the weekends.

*AND I WAS TOTALLY FAT AT THE TIME- actually, i'm still KIND OF fat, but way less so... Maybe it WAS LOVE?!? we WERE together on and off for 7 FUCKING YEARS, but it was BEYOND dysfunctional- he was the only dude that i broke my "ONE BREAKUP MAXIMUM" rule. we broke up and got back together at least 5 times, which i find BEYOND ANNOYING and RIDICULOUS when other people do it, but life has a way of making you pull the shit that you don't like other people to pull just to put you in your place and FORCE YOU into an attitude of TOLERANCE, which is BULLSHIT, but what can you do?*

Actually, that offer was so sweet, that i still have pangs of regret... Honestly, though- sense of self is IMPORTANT, and to be reduced to dependent novelty boyfriend (free beachhouse in tropical paradise or no) is too much for my ego to sublimate. this is EXACTLY why i could never actually engage in BDSM ANYTHING EVER, because i can't sublimate. AT ALL. poor Germone... All i can do is DOMINATE in all sorts of sideways manifestations.

[Allow me to qualify that so as to dispel any unsavory visuals: "THAT IS NOT WHERE THE TUPPERWARE GOES!!!" or "NO YOU MAY NOT KEEP A GLASS IN THE FREEZER!! WHAT ARE YOU, A CHILD OF INCEST? CUPS GO IN THE CABINET" etc, etc]

Love him, though. :-)

Danger Mouse Was THE SHIT

THIS was my favorite cartoon when i was an itty-bitty. Eventually, this position was usurped by HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE and the corresponding fabulous secret powers, et al, but my first TRUE LOVE was the great DANGER MOUSE.

HI Courtney!

Courtney Love is, by all accounts, a LOVELY human being, and it's nice to see her looking her best after being the victim of so many bad breaks. Why do the nicest people always have it so hard? Her new album is supposed to be terrific. That's supposed to be in stores this coming NEVER. Good Job, C-Lo!

Seth and Zane in: "The Demented Doughnut Debacle!"

My friend Zane Zigmund was on his way to Prescott from loathsome Elephant Butte, New Mexico and since Tucson was on the way, he stopped by and stayed over. It was REALLY nice to have a friend over, especially Zane. He's likely on his way back to Jersey/MA at some point this summer, and i had already accepted that i probably wouldn't get to see him before his departure, but i was WRONG!
Zane invited me out for doughnuts and coffee in the morning, and there's this doughnut place right down the street from our house that i've been meaning to check out, so we went there. Zane got a vanilla cream filled doughnut and i got a chocolate filled doughnut and we both got small coffees. The place smelled awesome, and even better, the Vietnamese Doughnut Mistress (VDM) was bumping POWER RANGERS on the TV! AWESOME! Power Rangers is a REALLY high energy show, BTW. it feels surreal when it's on, like you're being assaulted with subliminal information that is supposed to ENGAGE KILL MODE or something, like you're a SLEEPER AGENT on a top secret assassination mission. Pretty Rad!

There were a lot of charming foreign accoutrements that complemented the televised entertainment, such as multiple golden animatronic waving cats. I think the VDM told Zane that they "waved away the doughnut hating spirits" or something.
The coup de grace, however, was the charming gentleman sitting RIGHT BEHIND zane. He was painstakingly organizing his homemade PORNOGRAPHY COLLECTION into a photo album WITH FLOWERS ON THE FRONT AND BACK COVER. it was an EXTENSIVE COLLECTION, to say the least. it was FUCKING CREEPY, but strangely it made me like the doughnut place all the more. Me and Zane are planning to return when he swings back through on his return to EBNM. CANNOT WAIT.
IN OTHER NEWS: i shaved my head and
i made pretzels from scratch!

Pardon My Blogular Dust

Blerg. i'm not exactly depressed, but i am starting to feel some serious apathy creeping in. I'm sorry my blog's gone quiet, i just have nothing worth reporting on, and i haven't felt like musing on Brett Michaels any further, so that leaves pretty much nothing to talk about. I haven't really felt like seeing or talking to ANYBODY, actually. not on the phone or texting (except jason, who is across the country so OF COURSE i want to hang out with him, lol) or anything. i think it's because i have no news to report and i just don't want to interact with anyone until i have something good to say for myself. I need a fucking job.

Ugh, i CANNOT wait until school starts.

Finally today i recieved a glimmer of hope- i got an email from one IRC's volunteer coordinator, so i can get the ball rolling on that at least. It's pretty cool, actually- it'll be working with refugee families in tucson. check it out.

Also, the coordinator from Primavera (homeless shelter/drop in facility gig) gets back later this week, so that should be good.

"Broadway 1, Brett Michaels 0" or "FINISH HIM!"

UPDATE (6/12/09):
I am sad to announce that Brett Michaels not only survived, but was barely scratched by the big mean curtain at the tony awards. You can tell he's not hurt because he still has the energy to purse his lips and suck in his cheeks in the first picture. Now that i've had time to think about it, i wish that the curtain of doom had knocked his bandannattached MAN-WEAVE off his oompa-loompa fake baked, Botoxic forehead to reveal GREASY, ANEMIC GREY TENDRILS matted down accross a POCKED, ALBINO PATE.



I could give a flying fuck about Broadway or the Tony Awards. If you were to tell me that the Tony Awards had decided to feature a live performance by Rock of Love barfbag Brett Michaels and his loathsome band, Poison, my opinion of the Tony Awards would likely shift from 'oblivious' to 'mildly repulsed, but still mostly just oblivious (and maybe just a little bit confused).'

IF, however, you were to tell me that all of this was just a CRUEL CHARADE on the part of some secret ORNATE THEATRICAL DEATH SQUAD and they had only LURED the band there so that they could PUBLICLY DECAPITATE BRETT MICHAELS using only the DESTRUCTIVE POWER WIELDED by CHOREOGRAPHED SONG AND DANCE, i would sit back down in my chair with a slight crease of intrigue and emerging support furrowing my otherwise unlined brow, and i would hold my chin in my hand between my thumb and pointy finger and i would nod slowly with my eyes squinting gently and i would say "I'm listening."


If they can somehow build a two hour musical around Brett Michaels humiliating himself publicly and then having his head chopped off, I feel pretty secure in saying that they would have a formidable hit on their hands.

Cone Snails of DOOOOM!!!

Can you imagine how shitty it must be to get mortally OWNED like that by A SNAIL?!? like, you get to aquatic heaven, and all the other fish died from getting eaten by sharks and harpoons and stuff like that, and then they all turn to you and ask you telepathically in fish language how you met your doom, and you're forced to telepathically mumble "cone snail" and then your afterlife fish peers telepathically ask you to telepathically speak up and you're all telepathically like "CONE SNAIL, OK? I GOT EATEN BY A FUCKING CONE SNAIL! ARE YOU ALL FUCKING HAPPY NOW? HUH?" and then you get sent to fish hell for cursing, and there's all these cone snails there.

Job Search Suicide Blues

Christ on a muthafuckin' cracker, i hate looking for a job. It's the most depressing, self-esteem eroding process ever. i went on Jobing.com and looked under ALL health care positions available and FIRST OF ALL, it would seem that EVERYTHING caregiver oriented down here is SMI/DD (Seriously Mentally Ill/Developmentally Disabled), which is weird, and because of that they want you to have a driver's license and a clean driving record...

I, of course, have notoriously never had a license, and have only the most minimal of vehicular understanding... i have not, for example, ever performed a successful three-point turn.

SO i scrolled through probably 150 health care jobs, and GRANTED my certification level is not that impressive, but i only found 1 place that didn't exclude me because of the driving thing. Germonicorn says that he knows that at least 2 of the companies that have jobs posted on there just automatically put that on their job postings, and that MOST places if you get overnight shifts (which is what i wanted so me and germone could be on the same schedule) don't need you to drive or have a car, etc. i believe him and everything, but i'm still discouraged. I barely saw anything from care facilities (like, geriatric assisted living, which is what my background/experience is in) which is weird. those places have mad turnover- i'm just going to have to call around and find someplace, because i KNOW there have to be positions available for caregivers. i'd prefer to work at a larger one- they tend to not be as disgustingly negligent.

I ended up applying online at Circle K, lol. jobs like that are so weird to apply for- the app process is so severe, it's like you're applying for ownership of weapons grade plutonium or something. There's this Qwik Mart on the corner that i might be able to get a job at also... the night clerk says there's somebody who works there that they don't like, so maybe JUST MAYBE i can swoop in and follow my dreams of clerking at a poorly lit convenience store. That place seems like they'll hire whoever, up to and probably including the corpse from "Weekend at Bernies". Honestly, i don't care if i get hired shovelling shit for minimum wage, i just need to get some damn money coming in. it's only for the summer, anyways. I'm going to apply at Fucking Fry's Food and Drug later today, maybe get a job in their deli or something (i have recent deli experience from DeathStar Safeway, let's not forget!) and if that fails, Burger King it is. I don't even fucking care. i know how to say cheese and hamburger in spanish, it'll be fine.

Went to a volunteer fair yesterday and got information for a bunch of cool opportunities for community stuff, etc. I'm leaning toward Primavera, where i would be volunteering at a homeless drop in facility (showers, movies, a place to get off the street from morning to mid-day) and doing intake at the overnight homeless shelter. there are other places i'm interested in, too, but this was the thing that kind of really caught my eye. Having been HOMELESS HOMELESS (albeit on and off for only a couple of months, and i know that that's NOTHING compared to a lot of the people but BELIEVE ME, that is enough to get the picture- one day homeless feels like FOREVER, it's HORRIBLE, and people treat you like TOTAL SHIT, like, zero empathy, like they KNOW in there hearts that you somehow DESERVE it, and there's no WAY that bad shit happens to halfway decent people) before, and having experienced the UBERMISERY and dehumanization, i'm particularly impressed with the drop in center as a concept. it's a GREAT and humane resource to have for such a marginalized group. i figure it'll be good for me while i TRY to find a job, and it'll be positive and i can network and you never know what volunteering positions will lead to, you know? I'm kind of wowed by how Volunteering-oriented Tucson is. there's a lot of amazing stuff/projects going on out here, especially when you consider the relatively small size of the city/surrounding areas.

OH MY GOD, i can't wait for school to start... the halcyon days of living off of financial aid, and just studying and studying and studying... my classes are so rad this year, it's going to be great, i just know it.

I've been keeping myself busy with the aforementioned baking and also sticking cut out pictures of germone's face onto the random bizarro keepsakes that me and germone are both prone to...

For the sake of concluding this Eeyore-esque occupational angst-o-thon on an UP note:

BEHOLD, the GERMONICLOWN!

how's that for a big finish, eh? eh?

Kozy Kitchen Korner!

olive bread after step 1.

It's been sort of an aggro couple of days, so to counteract, i thought that a little baking was in order. I made this really great olive bread, and it came out AMAZING, and i thought i should share the recipe. Apart from all the time you spend kicking it waiting for the dough to rise (you let it rise THREE TIMES for this recipe- that seems like A LOT to me) this is actually pretty easy. Below is the original recipe, and after that i will divulge my alterations.

INGREDIENTS
3 cups bread flour
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 tablespoons white sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped black olives
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/4 cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
1 tablespoon cornmeal

DIRECTIONS
1.)In a large bowl, mix together flour, yeast, sugar, salt, black olives, olive oil, and water.

2.)Turn out dough onto a floured board. Knead until smooth and elastic, 5 to 10 minutes. Set aside, and let rise about 45 minutes, until it doubles in size. Punch down. Knead well again, for about 5 to 10 minutes. Let rise for about 30 minutes, until it doubles in size.

3.)Round the dough on kneading board. Place upside down in a bowl lined with a lint-free, well floured towel. Let rise until double in size.

4.)While the bread is rising for the third time, put a pan of water in the bottom of the oven. Preheat oven to 500 degrees F (260 degrees C).

5.)Gently turn loaf out onto a sheet pan that has been lightly oiled and dusted with cornmeal.

6.)Bake loaf at 500 degrees F (260 degrees C) for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Bake for 30 more minutes, or until done.

The major thing i did different was that instead of using water, i used the water that the olives were packed in- olive water, if you will. make sure you check to make sure that your olives aren't packed in vinegar or something. since the packing water for the olives also had salt in it, i omitted the dry salt from the recipe. Additionally, i added significantly more olives than instructed. I used about 1 and 1/4 cup of olives- 1 cup black, and the remainder green olives with pimento. I also added a tablespoon of italian seasoning, which i think is basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme and garlic powder. i also ended up kneading in about 1/2 a cup to 3/4 cup additional bread flour. After the bread comes out, it's got this really great crust that flakes in your mouth- don't cover the bread or anything while it cools, or the crust will get soft. people say that the 500 degrees is too much, but it wasn't AT ALL. this is a great recipe, and the olive bread came out at least as good as i've gotten in any store, and probably better.

Here's a really dark picture of the finished loaf.


real quick- you can make an easy olive spread like this.

1 can whole pitted black olives
2-3 tbsp Extra virgin olive oil
2-3 cloves garlic

put in your cuisinart and blend to desired texture. you can add 1/4 cup of parmasean
cheese after you blend it if you want, but i personally prefer to just top the spread with a little bit of it as i use it up so the flavors are distinct.

I like to eat thin slices of this bread with a little butter, a little olive spread, and a little bit of parmasean cheese sprinkled on top. You can toast the bread before, or you can toast it after you've topped it with everything, and it's amazing like that, but i usually just eat it without toasting.

It's hard, but EAT SPARINGLY- it's really rich, and with the spread and everything, it's a lot of fat... it's olive fat, though, so at least it's the "good kind," right? it's better than twinkies or cheeseburgers, that's for sure.

I'm thinking i'm going to try to make some pre-baked pizza crust using the fundamentals of this recipe... i'll have to do some thinking about how to adapt it.

Half Truth

Netflix is having an independent film trailer competition kind of thing. My friend's friend's entry (Susan- she produced the trailer) is in the final ten, down from the 2000 original entries. the movie is called Half Truth, and it looks really good. I am pretty sure that it would be the first time i've ever seen a black, gay and overweight protagonist in a movie, though i've met a bunch of guys fitting that profile in real life.

Go here to enter your vote- remember, Half Truth is the movie. You can only enter once for each original email address.

and HERE is the link to the movie's site.

Currently in fourth place- this is a big deal. This could change somebody's life and give THEM the chance to tell the kind of stories that WE don't get a chance to hear every day.

WWSLWMACD?

Hey gay dudes. I just want to go on record here as saying that if somebody calls you a fucking faggot, go ahead and fuck that person up if you're up for it. Because FUCK THAT, that's why. don't start shit, but feel free to finish it.

REMEMBER, KIDS: You don't have to be that strong or that big to win a fight- You just need to be vicious.

IT'S OUR 10 YEAR ROBSETHVERSARY!!!

ten years ago today, i met my best friend, rob. through thick and thin, fucked up and sober, free and incarcerated, crazy and less crazy, rob has been there for me. i've tried to be there for him, too, but i know he's got me beat... in my defense, he's about the best best friend anybody could ever have, so it's only natural. nobody can compete!

Thanks for being in my life- i wuv woo, wob! I wouldn't even want to imagine my life without you as my friend.

Sometimes I Still See the World This Way

MGMT is a pretty uneven band, but their good songs are REALLY good, IMO.

New Classes! YAY!

BIO156- Introduction to Biology for Allied Health Professionals with integrated lab(4 credits).

BIO157- Basic Histology for Anatomy and Physiology (1 credit). i'm just taking this one so i'm at fulltime student status and don't get hosed re financial aid. i will be taking Anatomy and Physiology I and II after i finish Microbiology next semester, so at least it's on point. wonder what a 1 credit class entails, exactly? "Point at your head. Very goooooood. A+."

PSY230- Psychological Measurements and Statistics (3 credits). This is my LAST math class for my degree!

SPA101HC- Elementary Spanish for Healthcare (4 credits). Same as SPA101, just with an emphasis on medical/healthcare jargon. should be VERY helpful! pretty excited about that one, actually.

STRANGEST OF ALL, i will only be physically GOING to class 4 times a week. my spanish class is once a week on mondays, my statistics class is an internet/traditional classroom hybrid that meets once a week, the 1 credit histology class is internet only, and my bio 156 is twice weekly... so i'll only have class on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then i'll have off on the days that Germone works, so i can have good quiet undistracted study time. This should be PERFECT. i am so psyched.

Kelly Clarkson is Smart

(This is kind of kunty, but so be it.)

At first glance, one might clutch at their pearls and mutter to themselves about (dear sweet christ she got HUGE) Kelly's somewhat noticeable weight gain. This would be understandable.

Look a minute longer, and you might be confounded by the sudden realization that Kelly Clarkson has never looked better... thanks in no small part to being in the context of the baby-eating Hell Goblin dragging her cloven heels right behind the singer. Kelly has observed rule number one for the visually lackluster- she has draped herself in hags.

Do you guys remember that shampoo 'system' infomercial/commercial that Cher did with that morbidly obese woman (Lori something) in the early nineties? They did this skit on SNL that parodied it- Chris Farley played Lori...

Here's the infomercial... couldn't find the parody, but anyway.

Cher interviewed women that had just used the shampoo. she handed them mirrors and asked them how they liked their newly shampoo'd 'look' and they were like, "it's ok, i guess," then Cher would make them sit next to Lori and ask them to look again, and she'd ask them how they felt they looked NOW, and they'd all be like "oh my god, i look AMAZING!"

SAME IDEA.

this is also the reason that i like shopping at Wal-Mart. I always leave feeling supersexxxy and self-confident. Not to mention the sneaking feeling that i might be the single smartest person on earth. Being in the context of Wal-Mart is kind of like LIFE grading on a really really generous curve.

this is a weird post. i haven't slept that much in the last 24 hours.