"Broadway 1, Brett Michaels 0" or "FINISH HIM!"

UPDATE (6/12/09):
I am sad to announce that Brett Michaels not only survived, but was barely scratched by the big mean curtain at the tony awards. You can tell he's not hurt because he still has the energy to purse his lips and suck in his cheeks in the first picture. Now that i've had time to think about it, i wish that the curtain of doom had knocked his bandannattached MAN-WEAVE off his oompa-loompa fake baked, Botoxic forehead to reveal GREASY, ANEMIC GREY TENDRILS matted down accross a POCKED, ALBINO PATE.



I could give a flying fuck about Broadway or the Tony Awards. If you were to tell me that the Tony Awards had decided to feature a live performance by Rock of Love barfbag Brett Michaels and his loathsome band, Poison, my opinion of the Tony Awards would likely shift from 'oblivious' to 'mildly repulsed, but still mostly just oblivious (and maybe just a little bit confused).'

IF, however, you were to tell me that all of this was just a CRUEL CHARADE on the part of some secret ORNATE THEATRICAL DEATH SQUAD and they had only LURED the band there so that they could PUBLICLY DECAPITATE BRETT MICHAELS using only the DESTRUCTIVE POWER WIELDED by CHOREOGRAPHED SONG AND DANCE, i would sit back down in my chair with a slight crease of intrigue and emerging support furrowing my otherwise unlined brow, and i would hold my chin in my hand between my thumb and pointy finger and i would nod slowly with my eyes squinting gently and i would say "I'm listening."


If they can somehow build a two hour musical around Brett Michaels humiliating himself publicly and then having his head chopped off, I feel pretty secure in saying that they would have a formidable hit on their hands.