Monday, May 18, 2009
are you FREAKING OUT?!?
i am starting to freak out about the move to tucson. There are a bunch of reasons. It's a new place where i know almost nobody, it's a new school that i have no idea how to maneuver with (unlike CGCC, which i kind of feel like i understand how it works and the way things go there), it's a new city that i don't know my way around at all (and i'll have to figure out the transit system down there, which is always a drag), it's the first time that i've lived with a boyfriend in a planned, pre-meditated manner where i didn't just show up on a doorstep all cracked out and like "can i live with you?" and um... yeah. ack, this is scary shit! i told germone about my anxiety and he said that if i can survive foster care then i must be adaptable enough to live in tucson with him. then i reminded him that i ran away from foster care.
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stop being such a whiny biotch!
ReplyDeleteTucson's much easier to know than the greater Phoenix area. you not behaving in a cracked-out manner will make things much smoother. be not afraid.
the practice of visualizing a negative outcome has the sole effect of worsening your anxiety. i know you understand what i'm getting at, though it sounds trite:
think positive, damnit.
foresee scenarios that aren't scary-- i know you have to have some knocking around in that head of yours. imagine any of the little joys that await you here:
* getting to throw rotten fruit at hippies on All Saint's Day
* learning how to drive in a city where fucked up driving won't make you stand out as peculiar
* Phoenix is only 100 miles away, or as close as a phone call
* all of the better music venues in town are situated right in the same area
* graveyard employees at area Walmart stores are very friendly, but remember to wash your hands after touching any of them unless you'd like to develop leprosy
* my parents live here, so it's a given that i'll eventually come back to visit
* PCC is easy to know
you are adaptable. think of all the dumb shit you've been through already-- you're a fucking survivor. this place isn't any worse than where you already are... you just need to be willing to encompass it into your comfort zone. life is easy, brother.
FYI-- i just got my car out of the shop after 4 days & approx $700 of work. ouuuuuuuuch! i'm off to Pinal County tonight to try & get some of my things in order before this weekend.
lol, i love the fact that you bulleted your points. thanks for breaking it down for me old-school, yo.
ReplyDeletefrom looking at my okcupid profile, one might infer that i'm overly fond of bullet-formatting. nyah. i'm hung-up on writing resumés, i guess?
ReplyDeletemy stupidstupidstupid car is trying to delay me taking off. that & i had entirely too much junk at my old man's place to liquidate what's also been slowing me down like crazy. at this rate, i hope to bounce by monday or tuesday. waaaa!
i'll be up in your neck of the woods later today(Thursday) for a graduation, but i dunno if i'll get much chance to stop by & visit you since i'm tagging along with my older sister... that, and i got NO sleep at all last night & have a bunch of crrrrrap to take care of here in Tucson before i can get some fucking rest. hopefully i'll get a nap in before driving up to the valley.
for what it's worth, i don't plan on leaving for CT until i get to see you & one of my cousins in Superior.
okay, i'm off to go jerk around with my car some more. fun!
actually, that does make me feel better. i'll be getting to tucson sometime on tuesday.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to do it! Yay! You'll be close to us, too.
ReplyDeletei AM glad i'll be closer to my donny-poo and his sidekick, porkchop. Germone wants to come visit you guys this summer sometime- and i second the motion! i think you and germone have the same days off, too, so that should be awesome.
ReplyDeletetwo months later & i'm surprised i haven't gotten around to saying this yet:
ReplyDeletei'm sorry i was so harsh in my comments here. my own dipshit anxiety about moving was seriously overriding my (limited)empathy, and you didn't deserve to be snapped at like that.
even though i'm not there anymore, i'm still glad that you've made the move to tucson.
don't even worry about it- i know you were being supportive in your way, and it can be helpful to have a friend that can say stuff in a more blunt, severe way. your harshness actually kind of snapped me out of being too overindulgent, so yeah.
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