The Ballad of Vince Offer

Mugshot of Vince Shlomi aka Vince Offer, aka THE SHAMWOW GUY

Vince Shlomi aka Vince Offer, aka ZORAK


And, for the first time, ladies and gentlemen: the SHAM-HO!


This is awesome. it has EVERYTHING.

before i begin, i would just like to point out that Vince used to be a Scientologist. Those people are fucking freaks. This is what HAPPENS when you worship this guy.

from the Smoking Gun.com:

MARCH 27--Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported. In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. As seen in the below mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

Below is Vince in the hospital after he beat the shit out of the tongue-biting SHAM-HO (WAAAAYYY OVERPAID, if you ask me). In the timeless words of Marci aka Cokie Smurf from Californication, you can either get smacked like a bitch, or you can smack a bitch. Word up, Marci!
Ok, and PS, NOTE THE LACK OF SOCKS, and note the whole tongue-biting whore scenario, and to me this indicates more than an alcohol problem. Look at his weird buglike face! This dude is a CRACKHEAD. that's on the real, yo! i have known my fair share of depraved crackheads, and this absolutely reminds me of most of them. Just saying.

Join me, kind people, as we look back on some of Vince's happier times, doing what Vince loved best: to slap and chop his troubles away; to promote German propaganda whilst saving your shag carpeting from unwanted mildew "that's gonna smell."
ShamWow!

You're going to slap your troubles away with the slap chop!